i r lazy

129. Sleepless

2011-11-25T07:24:00.004Z

I can't sleep because I know you will be away soon.

The sudden thought of it makes my sleepless eyes swell with restless disturbance and quiet sadness - the quiet sadness which I know will haunt us both when we will be apart.

Every time I see you cry, my heart shatters to millions of pieces. But it is also always the picture of you, through my eyes, that recovers my heart and holds them strong back together. I'm afraid that my heart will not bear it when you go.

I have no disbelief that we will love each other till Heaven's end. Even so, a year or two apart is too much to bear - to even think about it. I will miss you so terribly. And I know you will miss me even so much more, which makes it even more difficult to bear.

I will miss everything about you. Even your tantrums and nagging.

I will miss your craziness... when you dance to seek my attention. When you dance just for the heck of it. When WE dance on silly whims. I will miss your kisses to my cheeks, "raping" them as I'd call it. I will miss your kisses to my forehead when I'm asleep. I will miss kissing you when you're asleep - in exchange for your scoldings for waking you up to which I will chuckle - I will miss it all. I will miss rubbing my nose on yours. I will miss running through the contours of your face, and have it subsequently snapped off because it was dirty - I will miss it.

I will miss our kisses - they are never enough.

I will miss your warm embrace and your touch. When you lay your head upon my chest (bosoms!) and complain that I'm too skinny. I will miss hugging you and doing silly things to disturb you because I can, because I'm actually with you - because you let me, because you love me. I will miss your bites and always saying that I love them (which I do! I do...). I will miss your hair, even if it makes a lot of mess, I will miss you asking me to stroke it, and telling me off when I yank a strain or two off while doing so, but always falling asleep so beautifully after that. I'll even miss farting and have you lambaste it for being more odorous than the last. I will miss watching you sleep. I will miss playing games with you and getting frustrated - "they must be wearing bullet proof vests!" and our "hacked lor! hacked!" mantra that was often needed to be said. I will miss talking deep into the night with you, in our bed, in our house, in our world.

I will miss it. I will miss it all.

I will miss you. Not just the countless actions. So, so much.

But of course, all said, I promise to be your shining beam of light - a lighthouse will it be - to stand strong, against the tests of time, against crushing waves of water, the harsh bellowing wind in the darkness of the cool night... I will always be here. I will always be here, Honey.

When you're ever in doubt whether I love you, far away from home (home, where your heart truly lies with me), return here. Read this and know that I love you more than ever, every day more than the last. Use this as a small reminder of our love if you must. I love you, despite any harsh words that may (will) come - harsh words that I will never mean. Know that in my heart, it will ache daily to see you angry, sad, disappointed... to see you so far away from me physically.

I miss you, honey. Return to this post when you feel lost and when you cannot reach me. This blog will always be kept open for you.

Pingming.

128. I Love You

2011-06-15T04:06:00.005+01:00

You're so beautiful honey, but that's not why I love you. :)

It's because you're intelligent kekekekekeke.

Wonder how long will it take you to see this post?

127.

2011-01-31T01:26:00.001Z

I dreamt of Ms. Chua yesterday. I embraced her and thanked God that nothing had happened to her as I have heard from my friends.

Then I woke up.

126.

2011-01-17T04:20:00.003Z

Everyone has their problems. Everyone has a "dark" secret or to put it in a less melodramatic way, everyone has something that they're ashamed of.

I have one too. And this, is a real major problem in my life. I define this as a disease, although dependent on how you look at it, I think it's life-threatening. Cut to the chase, my disease is really simple. I'm calling it "ignavus-nicophenia disorder", also known as severe Laziness.

Okay, up to this point I know any of you reading this will think this as a joke, but it's not. I'm actually serious. I'm in dire need of help, and it's getting worse as time catches on.

I don't really know how to alleviate it. At times, I seem to defeat this illness by sheer will, at other times, nothing helps. Not even with the extra lovely lecturing I get from my missus. It's easy to get irritated by this post by saying "Just get off your butt and do something about / stop lazing around!" - but it's not that easy. If it was, I would already have done so. But trust me it's not. You can scold, you can shake your heads, you can give me your irritated, angry and disappointing looks and bitter sermons... and I will feel the concern and disappointment that I have inflicted... and I will feel the heavy guilt genuinely and sincerely apologise. But Sorry doesn't cure anything, only actions do. But you must understand... I just can't, no matter what you say in how much angry decibels... I'm just... I'm like... I don't know... Encouragements?

Perhaps while many unfortunate people have fallen into the sin of drugs and alcoholism amongst other things, this is my deadly pit-hole. Granted, it is a better situation... or is it?

I simply just can't stop. Even if I do something really stupid that I would not do normally, I would. Just to avoid working. To be honest, it becomes addictive - I actually "enjoy" delaying work and take to the pleasures. Procrastination always makes enjoyment so much sweeter. And I hate it. I mean, I love it at the moment, but I know I'm not supposed to. I know what music lays await for me. I even know what depth of a grave I have dug for myself. I can see, but I can't stop.

The hardest part to take is... I finally have enough confidence to know that I'm useful in something. But I cannot utilise my ability because of this. I know if I peak, I will be successful. But this only serves as a disrupting comfort for more "ignavus-nicophenia" symptoms to show up - since I'm not a very complicated man and am quite simple in ambitions as most will know me for. I do not think this is a bad trait, however, coupled with "ignavus-nicophenia", it's like a fat kid sitting on your coffin door while you're not dead yet. I could have gone with nails and coffins, but I prefer the funnier thought of a fat kid licking off an ice-cream killing me.

My father once told me of this psychological test of children where many of which do not have a developed sense of... for a better lack of word(s)... long term planning. You can give a child a sweet (mango flavoured, mind) and tell him that if he doesn't eat that sweet for 5 minutes, he will get 10 more sweets (assorted, no mint) - he will most likely eat the sweet, for the fast gain of satisfaction.

When it comes to procrastination - I'm like that. It would seem, that my brain has not developed. While it is known (I say without giving evidence) that most humans are also like that - lacking in self-restraint, I'm light years away from the norm. I'm just the epitome of laziness.

Did the Greeks have a "God" for Laziness? I could fill in for that position. I would smite all the enemies with "ignavus-nicophenia" then, and let their production dwindle into despair. Hohoho...

I have always wanted to write a book. Ever since 14 years old, believe it or not. I was inspired by my literature teacher, to be one of the younger authors to complete a novel by 16. I wrote a good solid 10 whole pages, showed it to my parents... and then just stopped. Ever since, I have developed multiple story-lines in my head, but never wrote them down. It's almost 10 years on, and I have yet to re-start on this simple ambition. I always wanted to be a writer... I do not know if my ability is great enough, but I always did. In fact, the few joys in my course is that I get to write. I like writing essays in non-exam formats. I like organising them, I like presenting my thoughts... not much otherwise. I'm seriously weird.

And you know what's the funny part? This entry was written when I'm meant to be submitting 2 pieces of work tomorrow. Seriously, what's the matter with me?

125. You are...

2010-11-16T02:53:00.009Z

...I say, "Can you believe it?"...

...You are the best thing that's ever been mine...

...Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together...

...And I remember that fight, two-thirty AM...

...Everything was slipping right out of our hands...

...Braced ourselves for the goodbye...

...Then, we took ourselves by surprise...

...and we said, "I'll never leave you..." ...

...And every time I look at you, it's like the first time...

..."She is the best thing that's ever been mine"...

You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you believe it?

We're gonna make it now

And I can see it

I can see it now

124. Did I feel a Thumb?.

2010-10-28T15:49:00.004+01:00

Simply hilarious!

The Fool’s Prayer

The royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried: “Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!”

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the Monarch’s silken stool;
His pleading voice arose: “O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

“No pity, Lord, could change the heart
From red with wrong to white as wool;
The rod must heal the sin: but Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

“‘Tis not by guilt the onward sweep
Of truth and right, O Lord, we stay;
‘Tis by our follies that so long
We hold the earth from heaven away.

“These clumsy feet, still in the mire,
Go crushing blossoms without end;
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust
Among the heart-strings of a friend.

“The ill-timed truth we might have kept–
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?
The word we had not sense to say–
Who knows how grandly it had rung!

“Our faults no tenderness should ask.
The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;
But for our blunders — oh, in shame
Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

“Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!”

The room was hushed; in silence rose
The King, and sought his gardens cool,
And walked apart, and murmured low,
“Be merciful to me, a fool!”

Edward Rowland Sill (1841-87)

123. My Personal Adviser.

2010-10-27T14:00:00.003+01:00

http://www.skipclasscalculator.com/

122. Celtic Woman.

2010-10-24T08:26:00.015+01:00

I actually, really, really, really want to go for one of their concerts, because I think they're absolutely stunning.

Ever since I "discovered" them back in 2007, I never cease to listen to their version (I mention "version", but probably a better word would be "cover") of "Orinoco Flow", "When you Believe" (Prince of Egypt), "Amazing Grace", "You'll be in My Heart" (Tarzan) and their versions of Christmas Songs ("Carol of the Bells" come to mind, as it's my favourite Christmas carol). It's not all about vocals though - I especially admire Ms. Máiréad Nesbitt - the violinist. She's just so energetic; passion just oozes out from her brilliant performances!

Just watch and see for yourself!

"Butterfly"

"Reels"
(Title actually refers to the accompanying dance tune to Irish (and Scottish) traditional dancing - this is called a "Reel")

Duelling Violins
(One of my favourites - I can actually dance to this.)

You know what's even more amazing? How does she keep her hair from tangling with her violin!? She keeps skipping about breathlessly like a teenager high on cocai... sugar; yet, not once, does her hair ever get caught between her instrument! Amazing. And, she's stylishly prancing about in heels, which is a feat by itself. But anyway, my main point was that she's thoroughly impressive with the violin. Every time I watch her videos, my soul entrancingly fleets along to the melody that she plays... And then of course, there's the other girls who sing ever so wonderfully.

Tremendous, splendid, fantastically excellent stuff. Quite top notch, wouldn't you say? Fabulous. I feel like I'm Irish after those 3 videos (and repeating the last one 10 times) - without the alcohol.

Then again, I don't think anyone my age likes these kind of songs. Maybe I'm quite weir... different. Yeah, unique.

121. Jack of all, Master of none.

2010-10-07T01:18:00.009+01:00

My first week was really, really, really slow.

And... swooosh!!!!

Suddenly everything accelerates 100 times faster. Second week makes a sneaky entrance and stabs me at the back assassin-style, with 4 assessed assignments (due soon as well!), on top of the extra assignments from lectures and re-catching up on Genetics - even the word itself needs explanation.

Football's starting to get busy now; slowly snow-balling as the year continues as usual. Soon, I'll be playing on Saturdays, Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays (with a slight chance on Mondays) - and we'll need to prepare for 3 Nottingham Competitions (one Hong Kong, one Malaysian, one Singaporean) in late Oct and Nov.

Today, I found myself hardly the time to eat anything but gruellingly digesting the lecture that was taught. Everyday starts at 930am, lessons ends at 4pm (or 5pm on unlucky days), but the day actually ends much later into the night - hardcore Genetics smashing straight right up in your face that is!

Which reminds of this random thought...

A module will be taught and finished in every 1.5 week(s), with essay assessments assigned by each lecturer in each module (thus explaining the 4 assessments even after only attending 2 weeks worth of lectures). We'll keep this pace going till December, where we will break for 3 weeks and get given more assessments to do; have a Statistics exam in January; go through Easter (without break!), and then my project / thesis write-up will start... all the way till September. Without break.

I'm already considered lucky - since I have (little) background knowledge of Genetics (and Microbiology); and my first language's English.

So yes, I am actually very busy, despite not updating or saying anything. I-R-Lazy, no like.

120. The Future.

2010-08-22T20:37:00.004+01:00

The Book of Love (Cover) by Peter Gabriel

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures,
and instructions for dancing
But I...
I love it when you read to me
And you...
You can read me anything

The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it's just transcendental
Some of it's just really dumb
But I...
I love it when you sing to me
And you...
You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I...
I love it when you give me things
And you...
You ought to give me wedding rings

And I...
I love it when you give me things
And you...
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

My Future. Your Future. Ours. As long as you will have me.

118. Insecure

2010-06-28T02:23:00.007+01:00

So many things to post, but so lazy -

1) Moved into new apartment with Cuppaccino :)

2) Apartment is amazing. Best part - this really awesome stuff called "J.W.B.Y". You should get one too, but I think there's only one stock in the whole wide world and she's mine. Most unfortunate for anyone who's reading.

3) I'm graduating! And applying for Masters, but unsure if I can get it.

4) England just crashed out of the World Cup, yet again. Players didn't even want to try. Anyways, didn't really deserve to win it. Insecurity looms over England's future.

Sad truth? I can't get over it :(

117. Failure

2010-06-07T11:28:00.005+01:00

Shall I need utter failure, to deliver myself from laziness?

Maybe, but I am deserving.

116. En Route

2010-06-04T12:08:00.003+01:00

Quote of the Entry #94

"Sport is a universal language. At its best it can bring people together, no matter what their origin, background, religious beliefs or economic status."
-Kofi Annan

Just a week before World Cup starts (and 5 days before my exams end).

"It's a simple thing, just a ball and the goal. But once every 4 years that simple thing drastically changes the world. It closes the schoola, closes the shopa, closes the city, stops a War. A simple ball fuels the passion and pride of Nations. It gives people everywhere something to hope for. Gives countries respect when respect is in short supply. And achieves more than the politicians ever could. Once every 4 years, a ball does the impossible. And if history means anything, the World as we know it, is going to change."

"2 World Wars and 1 World Cup!"

300% increase?! Wow.

115. The best thing about me...

2010-05-13T13:14:00.004+01:00

...is you.

114. Elections, My 2 Big Cents.

2010-05-07T07:30:00.005+01:00

Quote of the Entry #94

"Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government, except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time."
-Winston Churchill

"I reject any form of government in which the opinion of the village idiot is given the same weight as the opinion of Aristotle"
-Unknown

Well, it's that time of every 5 years again! No, it's not Osama coming out of his cave again to say "Hi, I'm alive!” – Rather, it's the UK General Elections again! Rejoice!! So, I think that deserves two quotes (or perhaps just because I like to). Unlike Malaysia or Singapore, where elections are usually dictated by a single party; it actually matters here - probably because people are rather fussy, like me, which makes life just that tiny bit more interesting. Eh?

The main difference this time, actually, is that we got off our bum-bums and voted! Hurrah for Democracy!

It's officially Guppy's first time voting!... and mine, voting in person (I used to vote through post) - hence, it's actually really quite cute to see Guppy being so concerned about the results (although it's probably only going to be out later today) even when it was past her bedtime.

You know, I noticed that I've lived in 2 out of 3 constituencies belonging to the leaders of the major parties... namely Liberal Democrats’ Nick Clegg, Sheffield, (Hallam, although I'm residing in Sheffield Central... but all the same la) and Conservatives’ (Tories) David Cameron of Witney.

I also noticed that the Lib Dem party formally started on 1988, and that Nick Clegg constituency’s in Sheffield, while his name bears familiar grounds to mine - could all these co-incidental similarities (I was born in 1988, I live in Sheffield and my name is... Nicholas, Nick for short; not so much Clegg) mean that Heaven is directing me to cast my vote to this particular rising party?

That would be akin to saying that my favorite player is Mr. Park Ji-Sung because I support Man United, have the favorite number of 13, am of an East Asian race, have slits for eyes, and that my hair's rather poofy. lol.

= = = = = = = =

Anyways, to serious affairs at the moment: it is currently 730am, and this is the result so far:
United Kingdom – 593 out of 650 seats declared: 285 Tory, 231 Labour, 50 Lib Dem
England – 478 out of 533 seats declared: 276 Tory, 164 Labour, 37 Lib Dem

At the moment, the Tories are winning by some kind of margin, whilst Labour are totally losing “the mandate to govern”, the Lib Dem have shockingly been falling short.

However, that’s only part of the story.

There isn’t a clear “winner” – a party would require at least 326 seats, but as of now; it still isn’t clear cut. The Tories require a total swing of 6.9%, but results show a mixture of wild and subtle swings to the Tories. For example, the swings show a range between a 0.5 – 12.1%. Analysts found it hard to find a pattern as to how which way the votes are going and currently, the average swing stands at 5.2%. There were high turnouts comparatively to the 2005 elections.

Seats are one thing, while the percentage and number of votes are another – they can show somewhat clearer what and how people are voting as individuals rather than constituencies. At the moment, the Tories have 36.5%, Labour at 28.7% while Lib Dem on 22.8%.

The underlying message seems to be that the Conservatives will not have enough votes to have a majority win. Therefore, as I understand, there are 3 possible outcomes: (1) A Conservative Minority Government (2) A Hung Government (3) A “Loser” Coalition Government of Labour and Lib Dem.

Hence, for the moment, United Kingdom still has no idea who her Prime Minister will be.

Many critics seem to point to a Hung Government, though, especially when Cameron was all too reluctant to suggest that he’s ready to lead the country (despite knowing he holds a slight majority and can try to form a minority Government) during this time of economic turmoil. Perhaps best put would be one of the comedians, who suggested that why take all the future blame when you can spread it out to all the parties?

= = = = = = = =

There’s also a third part of a story – Hundreds to thousands of voters were either turned away or not allowed to vote, simply because they were “too late”. Voting was meant to stop at 10pm. At certain places, such as Sheffield Hallam, many people arrived at their drones from 6pm, queuing up till 10pm and later – some even waiting under rain. The law states that no votes may be taken after 10pm, and therefore, may be argued “correctly” that the constituencies which turned away people who did not hold a ballot paper after that time.

There were also constituencies which had to turn voters away because they didn’t have enough ballot papers!

Does this spell Democratic Failure? Utterly. Finally, when people are concerned enough to vote in the 2010 election, unlike its 2005 predecessor – they are let down by the institution that was meant to uphold democracy.

= = = = = = = =

Here are my few immediate thoughts (I had many others, as such an opinionated boy that I am, but was too lazy to write out) that I wish to uncover foremost – the first being the subject of a possible Government under Cameron.

I don’t know – I’m not convinced with a Conservative Government to be honest, especially about their questionable policies. And even though, I recognize that the current Government’s not doing as good a job as it could; I was under the impression that Brown was probably the experienced, and proven, person to pull us out of this recession misery. It just seems like everyone has been watching too much football recently – sacking the manager once your team undergoes a rough patch. I’m really not sure if Cameron’s up to it – if Conservative takes control – to ensure the rebuilding of the economy. Sure, Cameron has charisma, but experience, astute plans and policies which will serve the UK well? I’m not too sure.

I’m still under the suggestion that EVEN Clegg would be better for the UK, for England. Yes, quite idealistic, but at least with certain responsibility, aim and determination. Cameron, for me, just seems to lack substance. His views are always changing like the river’s course, while Brown would be a safe, experience bet. So, to see the votes skew like so, is somewhat terrifying – what are the people trying to say? Do they actually know what they want? Are they thinking instead of just listening?

Analysts are finding it puzzling as to why there isn’t a consistency or the ability to predict vote patterns – simply because this time people actually bothered (well, 65% of the voting population – what happened to the other 35%?) to come and vote for what they want. And usually this happens because people begin to care. And when they care, and want a desperate change for the better (which can never be achieved, all changes must be gradual), they become open to ideas however idealistic and my guess is that many will be easily misled and fooled. They are quick to blame, find fault in minutest of details and never forgiving. Look to history and you can find wars started and fought because of poor forethought. You can look to history and she will tell you many misleading decisions and promises that would lead to a country’s economic downfall.

Of course, I’ll be utterly honest and own up that I – certainly in no way – am not any smarter or more informative than others and will also be up to scrutiny whether my beliefs are misled.

But at least, what I have done is to reflect on what I believe – be it exercising my thought to Cuppaccino, parents or friends, but also on self-reflection. I believe I am, at least, be able to apply my thought unto the available representation in my constituency.

= = = = = = = =

One big discussion point was about immigration. I’m utterly disappointed with all 3 parties – because they simply went along with the media. They seem to be unison in clamping down on immigration; blaming the big influxes of foreigners. Do not be mistaken – I’m not for one who wants to open my country’s borders to everyone and anyone... but I want to clarify my belief that the population is misled that their “jobs are getting stolen by cheaper foreigners”.

In my opinion, jobs are being taken over, at least in the higher tiers simply based on merit. If the foreign employee shows more commitment and ability – based on a business sense, why not hire him / her? Furthermore, he/she will be bound to the company due to visa regulations as such, and hence she/he will be “loyal” and monies will not be needed to spend to replace them on the long term. I’m saying – let’s base it on merit. If the job deserves to go to the foreigner, but because he’s more suited to the job, then so be it – with the assumption that the company has looked within for capable workers. It should only make us, as a country, to better ourselves and make ourselves more capable.

Take a look around the neighborhood and you will see many – and too many – people NOT working and taking up “dough”. I’m not talking about the elderly, or the people who actually are actively seeking jobs, or, the people who are disabled... but I’m talking about the people who simply don’t want to work! Why are they allowed to diminish what this great country was, and can be? Why are they allowed to take the monies earned by the other hardworking citizens? Why aren’t they striving to better their selves – to get a job when they’re well-able? Why isn’t the government looking to encourage them? I’m sure these people are more than capable to work – be it “lower class” jobs, they are still jobs. It’s because people rather tend to waste themselves away with the dough available than work in these jobs; that’s why there is a strong influx of low-skilled foreigners – who, are looking to strive for their own lives and take on these rejected jobs by the British commoner.

I agree – that immigration should be controlled – But, it should be based on merit. I’m sure a company would favor a British worker when necessary due to the lower cost of hire and the communication factor. If a company is able to justify, by proper means, the hire of a foreigner that is proper – why turn away talent? – That’s why I think the main problem about immigration is that because citizens are unwilling to take up lower-skilled jobs – hence, too many lower-skilled foreigners are coming in.

I actually think it’s linked to education priorities... but let’s not get me started on that.

All said and done; I think United Kingdom is a beautiful, wonderful country. I’m proud to call it my country – It’s beautiful because it stands for what I believe – an outright representation of cultural diversity and equal rights based on meritocracy. The government serves the people (and our traditional sovereign), hailing from all over the world with different backgrounds – this is probably what I love about Singapore and Malaysia as well. The equal worth of a life baseless on ethnic group or background – is something that is lacking in the world.

As a Brit – and I do proudly call myself one – I’m truly concerned for my country’s welfare and future endeavors. I can see England, and hence United Kingdom, falling and falling much behind, only to be left behind down and out in the mud. This much I have shared with Cuppaccino, and I’m hoping ever-so that I will be wrong. Be sure, that I will be waving the St. Georges' and Union Jack flag when it counts (ala my "Wavin' Flag" post)!

Of course, I’ve done what I think is best, like most other citizens, by voting to the best of my knowledge. The rest lies on the future leader(s), and I remain, and want, to be convinced.

Oh, also, I thought that there were quite of a lot of ~~Nazi~~ BNP voters. They must be Barking mad (pun on the Barking constituency which had 6,000 voters)!!

Hurrah, Hurrah Democracy!!

113. Waving Flag

2010-05-03T02:16:00.006+01:00

Quote of the Entry #93

"Perhaps it's the people who are not concerned that are most dangerous."

Okay, so, I didn't change the layout of my blog. I was lazy.

World Cup Fever is coming!

I'm quite a staunch believer in a (to a Miss Universe tone) better World, harmonised by hope, equality and diversity. And I believe that huge sports events such as the World Cup, or Olympics, can, and do, bring people together.

As such, I was really touched by the video(s) below - both are essentially the same songs, by the same singer, but with a few changes in the lyrics. The first one's the official Coco-cola World Cup 2010 song... while, the second one is the actual original version (acoustic), singing about K'naan's home country, Somalia, and Her ongoing suffering due to the war.

The lyrics are pretty straight forward and honest - and most importantly, it makes sense, unlike the mainstream contemporary music now-a-days (Youngsters these days!).

Just to reiterate my quote; I think people should at least care - you don't have to go all the way to Africa and hold peace talks with the kind people holding AK-47s (because that would be too expensive) - but I think it'd help if people sat up and give 5 minutes a week just to simply reflect what's going on in the World. And when our opinions are called upon, we can make good, better judgements.

All the world needs is actual concern. I've never found blessing in ignorance.

Enjoy the videos though!

Wavin' Flag by K'naan

Lyrics

When I get older,
I will be stronger,
They'll call me 'Freedom',
Just like a Wavin’ Flag.

(Several “Wo”s and “Oh”s)

Give me Freedom,
Give me Fire,
Give me Reason,
Take me Higher!

See the Champions,
Take the field now...
Unify Us!
Make us feel Proud!

In the streets now,
Hands are lifting,
As we lose our inhibition

Celebration,
It's around us -
Every Nation,
All around us.

Staying young forever
Singing songs underneath the sun
Let’s rejoice in the beautiful game
Then together at the end of the day
We all say:

When I get older,
I will be stronger,
They'll call me 'Freedom',
Just like a Wavin’ Flag.
And then it goes back...
And then it goes back...
And then it goes back...

(And the lyric repeats itself)

Original "Wavin' Flag"

Original Lyrics

When i get older, they'll call me freedom
Just like a Waving Flag.

[Chorus]
When I get older, I will be stronger,
They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag,
And then it goes back, and then it goes back,
And then it goes back

Born to a throne, stronger than Rome
but Violent prone, poor people zone,
But it's my home, all I have known,
Where I got grown, streets we would roam.
But out of the darkness, I came the farthest,
Among the hardest survival.
Learn from these streets, it can be bleak,
Except no defeat, surrender retreat,

So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say

[Chorus]

So many wars, settling scores,
Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,
I heard them say, love is the way,
Love is the answer, that's what they say,
But look how they treat us, Make us believers,
We fight their battles, then they deceive us,
Try to control us, they couldn't hold us,
Cause we just move forward like Buffalo Soldiers.

But we struggling, fighting to eat,
And we wondering, when we'll be free
So we patiently wait, for that faithful day,
It's not far away, but for now we say,

[Chorus] 2x

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And everybody will be singing it
(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And you and I will be singing it
(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And we all will be singing it
(Ohhh Ohh Ohh Ohh)

[Chorus] 2x

When I get older, when I get older
I will be stronger, just like a Waving Flag,
Just like a Waving Flag, just like a Waving flag
Flag, flag, Just like a Waving Flag

Stay Tuned

2010-01-29T05:47:00.001Z

For Cuppaccino, and those who still visit; I shall be updating my blog and changing it some what over the next few weeks.

Sorry for the inconsistency!

111. Up

2009-10-21T00:13:00.009+01:00

Quote of the Entry #92

"Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says,
"I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." - Ha!! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead."

-Dug, from Disney film "Up"

I love Up.

And the part which made us fall instantly in love with it -

That will be us!

(Although our names would be Nicholas and Jocelyn instead)
(And that hopefully we'll have kids)
(And maybe - just maybe - I will end up selling more than just balloons)

(And. Oh yes. We're not white. But you know. That will be us!)

110. Abstinence

2009-09-17T23:29:00.005+01:00

Quote of the Entry #91

"Semper in absentes felicior aestus amantes"
(passion [is] always warmer towards absent lovers)

-Sextus Propertius, "Elegies"

There're two sayings which contradict each other - "Absence makes the heart fonder" and "Out of sight, out of mind".

So, which one suits better to my situation?

***
I'm undergoing a 5 day abstinence away from my obsessive daily dosages of the highly addictive, delicious and intoxicating Cuppaccino... and well, it hasn't gone too smooth sailing.

You see, when you think that a cup of cappuccino which is meant to keep you awake (I mean, it IS invented for that sole reason), it's really the other way round for me - Definitely not with My Cuppaccino anyway... and I start becoming fidgety and restless in bed:

I figured that the bed's actually rather too big for one person to sleep on... I observed this keenly upon laying on my bed surrounded among the shroud of silence, the awkward darkness, the foul odor of the scentless space, coupled with the icy cold emptiness for companions - Companionship, that is usually made up for by the warm, fragrant yet beautiful and smoothing whispers of touches produced by my Cuppaccino - which, I'd like to explain again, that I've been drinking, like, since forever.

I miss her.

That's really all I can really think about.

***

Have you guessed the answer yet?

109. Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-25T23:41:00.006+01:00

Quote of the Entry #90

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. "

-Thomas Campbell

A short tribute to Malaysian director Yasmin Ahmad, who passed away today (25th July 2009).

I only have known or heard about her since January from cuppaccino... but I'm making this little tribute (not because I haven't been blogging and need a filler) because of several reasons...

Because Miss Yasmin Ahmad, you...

You, made my beloved cry today. And she rarely cries.

Because you made her laugh uncontrollably while watching Tan Hong Ming and smiled ever so sweetly.

Because you also made her favorite films.

Because you made me make her mad because I made a silly joke over the opening scene of "Sepet" when I shouldn't have (and it's the only movie that she would NOT laugh at my jokes).

Because you opened my eyes to what my cuppaccino loves and holds dear.

And also because of you, you made me realise how much we have in common, and what we share with my life partner in both our thoughts and life values; in what we both believe and what we both treasure most.

It's also because of you that made me shed a tear, over an advertisement that we both adore.

And also because, you gave an unspoken promise that, not only Malaysia, but also the entire World is a better place than what I'm hearing and seeing. Emphasising cultural equality, diversity, tolerance and understanding - making it seem like the future holds... a better place for you and I (Ala Michael Jackson Style - "Heal the World")

So, here's to you, my life partner's favorite film director, thank you for all your brilliance and inspiration through films, short films and advertisements.

Funeral

108. Nike vs FA

2009-07-24T09:26:00.008+01:00

We all know Nike's rather famous advertisement;
"Take it to the Next Level"

But how about this for FA's version of the real deal?
"Whatever your Level"

Hahaha!

107. Just Because I Want To.

2009-05-25T01:00:00.012+01:00

Quote of the Entry #89

"What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God."

Eleanor Powell

God blessed me the best gifts in the world :)

He Blessed me with precious Life through my beloved mother.

He Graced me with gentle Patience by the teachings of my father.
He Granted me with rare Kinship by giving me my blood brothers in life.
He Bestowed me with innocent Joy through my closest handful of friends.

***

And then He Gave me My One and Only True Love - and the Mightiest and ever Most Gracious Love, I might add -
to call my own for infinity and forevermore!

***

And because of these gifts, I can be someone whom I can hold my head up high and say to myself
"these 21 years ain't too bad at all!"

Thank you Cuppaccino, my soulmate, life companion and lover
You truly complete me :)

***

Because my other half has put in So much hard work into my presents for my birthday, I feel so much need to boast this to the whole world!

Let me begin by how my lovely missus suprised me with overwhelming love;

My love earns a living in a superpendous demanding workplace you see, and even though she has had been So very busy of late (and "very busy" is an understatement believe you, me!) - so much so that she couldn't even have a proper lunch for weeks - she'd rather take time off to conjure up her remaining battered spirit from the toil at work(and a hungry stomach), just to make me this Really - beyond description as there isn't a single adjective to warrant justice to this gift- collage of written works from my closest friends in Sheffield :)

[Picture 1 - yet to be uploaded, haha]

(Will have a post entry solely for itself - THANKYOU to everyone who wrote in this :) )

Just to make sure you absorb the fullness of the time she had taken off to plan this: She even had to take off her free days off Just to do this for me. Once she even cheekily said, "hmm... I'm going to meet a friend for coffee...". The funny thing was that both of us knew what the other was doing/thinking - I knew that she was planning something for me, and she knew that I already had known (for both of us know each other so well!). But both of us didn't speak anything of the matter - play along for the fun y'know? Haha.

She (tried to) suprise(d) me by sneaking off and disappearing into the dark corridoor, gently knocking on my housemates' (Chris, JC, Shervin) doors (so as not to alarm me) and gathering them into kitchen... At the strike of midnight, she lit up a cake and led the others into my room to the tune of "Happy Birthday".

And it was no ordinary cake! It was a scrumptious Banofee cake accompanied with smooth divine layers of cream flanked by luscious chocolate flakes... Every bite into that delectable cake melted ever so delightfully on my tongue...

But that wasn't really what made me felt so warm. Rather, it was when she didn't notice that I had actually noticed her leaving the room (I was just finishing washing up you see) and had peaked through the door and saw her in action.

In fact, I'm not sure if it was her that I saw, or an angel that had descended from above; Through my vision, I was looking on at the most beautiful and delicate woman... standing in the kitchen, through the dark corridoor hallway - sparking up the candle on the cake, but instead of seeing the wick on the candle lighting up, I saw her face lit up; lighting up with the most angelic and the gentlest of smiles one could ever laid their eyes on.

Just imagine.

I never would have thought this would be the woman whom I will marry. She's perfect and Mine. She frowns when I'm down, laughs when I'm happy, fuss when I'm being stupid, and loves when I'm... being me... And here, now, she's smiling, not because I'm smiling and not because she's happy, but because She feels and knows that whatever she's doing now, will make Me happy. And it is because she loves me that she's smiling. And she's Perfect. And Mine forever to keep!

This was the greatest present you gave me Cuppaccino.

But Hold your Horses if you think that it's finished. Don't underestimate my lover! She went that extra mile further by getting me this massive (and I kid not) and yet magnificent present wrapped (in love and) this really slick sky-blue wrapping paper topped with sprinkles with a yellow ribbon. She knows that I adore the colour yellow. Upon unravelling this carefully enveloped gift, what beheld in front of me was astonishing;

[Picture 2 - also not uploaded yet lol]

It was a historical archive book of Manchester United's past since 1909! WITH my name on it, in Gold!

[Picture 3]

She knows that I love history, and Man Utd of course, and this only serves to boast of how well she knows me :)

But, I love this part the most of all;

[Picture 4]

This made me smile a little extra more :)

That midnight was one of the best moments in my life. It truly was. It made me realise and gave me a glimpse of my future; to be able to feel loved and (in) love with such an amazing woman.

I guess instead of drowning myself in big/small parties, fancy dinners, booze or what have you, I'd rather spend my time in a peaceful place with my loved ones.

And I was really overjoyed, because I got to spend it with my Cuppaccino.

And That's all that matters to me.

***
I want to thank everyone who had remembered about my birthday! The long sms by hw, call from timomo, wishes from my brother, my one and only parents, relatives, godmother, my lovely godsisters and friends.

I'm blessed.

Although, to be honest, I probably will never come to understand what there is to celebrate on my birthday. If there's anything to be worth celebrating, it should be celebrating the people who have raised me, "made me to be me" or "created me" so to speak... no?

106. I Love You

2009-02-27T00:51:00.004Z

Miss Jocelyn Wong Bik Yee,

I Love You :)

I'm sorry that you're waiting for me an extra 5 minutes before sleeping! :P

105. Unchanging.

2009-02-06T11:12:00.007Z

Quote of the Entry #88

"For you see, each day I love you more; Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow"

Rosemonde Gerard

And then, I know I'm the luckiest man alive :)

For I feel no need to chronicle nor jot my first,
As Natural:
That spring's warm blossoms cometh after the shivering cold,
It will always come and never fade
(Alas, too short a time in comparison),

Just like how it is:
Forever Etched are the memories
To my Body.
Heart.
And Soul.
(Mind nonethless, but evertheless less important)

Henceforth, I'll never forget,
Unchanging Memory.
Because you're always here to remind me
(In my heart)

Cuppaccino.
:)

104. Heaven.

2009-01-31T02:04:00.009Z

I never knew Cuppaccino could taste so sweet and I finally know the true extent of how addicted I am to Cuppaccino.

I can't stop smiling. I actually haven't stop smiling for the longest period of time now.

:)

I think I need to see a psychologist everyday and work on a this illness.

:P

103. Concentration.

2009-01-20T22:45:00.010Z

It dawn upon me that no matter what I do nor not do, my mind always fades back to that.

It's such a huge distraction, that, that, THAT! I don't know what exactly to do.

I just keep telling myself "don't let it happen" because even if it does... (what if) nothing would come of it(?).

Then it's "just not right".

And if I don't (do it), my brain compliments "you've done the right thing" while the heart bites back really bitterly , certainly cursing outloud if it could, "you fruitpunching fruitpunchard!".

Then... I start to ponder, "what is right?"

Wait... You might be thinking. What the Devil's Ffff... Fruitpunch is he on about?

Perhaps. Maybe. and Sort of.

Procrastination.

A type of. I think anyway.

And that's what I'm down about anyway,

Cuppaccino. Time for another.

Then when I'm done making people confused... I go back to studying (to make myself confused for a change). haha.

/Procrastinate
/Italics, Bolds, Underlines

102. Hang on, For Just Another...

2009-01-12T15:05:00.008Z

Quote of the Entry #87

"How much of human life is lost in waiting."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Decided to procrastinate and decided on searching out a few disney music clips that I adore. Then decided to post only one cuz' I decided to be lazy.

A lot of decisions made today!

Oh, I Just Can't Wait!(to be King)

Was in contention with Disney's "Mulan: A Girl Worth Fighting For", "Aladdin: A Whole New World", "Beauty & The Beast", "Pocahontas: If I Never Knew You"... and actually other 123912391 clips.

101. Counterpart.

2009-01-12T14:23:00.010Z

Counterpart
noun.

i) "One of two parts that fit and complete each other."

ii) "One of a matched pair of things: companion, double, duplicate, fellow, match, mate"

"Love is no respecter of age or practicality
Neither morality: unabashed
She enters where she will
Unheeding that her immortal fires
Burn up human hearts..."

My Favorite Drink.

I'm in Love with Cuppaccino. It's foamy, bubbly exterior, with the addictive sweet cocoa sprinkles (which melts within its warm smooth interior) that makes my worst day turn for the best. Yes, I believe I'm strictly in Love with this Cuppa' Joy. The Joy of my Life. Weird as it seems, I tell a cuppa' Cuppaccino all my sorrows and worries - and all so freely and willingly. I can talk to her about anything and everything. I love Cuppaccino. And I swear its not the caffiene talking, because she's decaf. I'm happy when she's warm or cold, sweet or "bitter", just as long that Cuppaccino's in front of me, that fragrant smell's enough to spur me onto a smile at least. But I always always hope that Cuppaccino remains sweet, warm and bubbly.

So. What happens when you take that Cuppa' Cuppaccino away from me?

I don't know. It's so hard.

But all I know is just, I Love Cuppaccino.

100. Century.

2009-01-01T09:00:00.007Z

Quote of the Entry #85

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

Joey Adams

Happy New Year!

A time for Self-Reflection and Resolution...

After spending the whole new year eve and new year morning with the friends and our mini-celebration (pictures along with others still pending), it begun raining whilst I was making my way home from the MRT...

Re-emphasising my sincere love for rain, it felt really good as each drop of rain touched my skin, lightly drenching through my wrinkled clothes and disheveled hair, with the remaining dews that had made through, dripping off my face. Although the rain itself isn't clean, but I find it rather refreshing, even in the chills of winter; but especially in the Singaporean heatwave that I've become unused to...

With each passing raindrop, I "reflected" back on the year with the Booooming music through my earphones, playing to "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga - As with everyone in the toilet, an epiphany struck me upon reflection...

"Wtf! I haven't done anything productive have I?! Jeez!", I gently pondered as I continued my walk home.

And... that's about it. No resolutions were really considered. Why did I even write the above 4 paragraphs? No idea either.

Any-jimmy-who, since coincidently this is my 100th post along with ze arrival of the new year, I decided to post the 3 music videos below, up - All sang by the new and upcoming sensation "Emoboyz"*.

*my apologies to Chris, Godfrey and Andrew - but since very few people actually know about this blog... don't mind if I do! haha!

From our debut Album... I present you 3 songs;

Song 3 - Sometimes When We Touch

Song 4 - Everything I do, I do it for you

Song 7 - Hero

It was Andrew's birthday (24th Nov), and instead of going out to celebrate, we decided to stay cozy in the comfort of Chris's room with cake and drinks, recording an album of emo songs, much to the annoyance of Junchin, cuz' we were singing till 5am. HAHA!

Good Times.

099. Bona Fide, My Best Friend.

2008-12-27T20:41:00.011Z

Quote of the Entry #84

"I felt it shelter to speak to you."

Emily Dickinson

It's always great.

Mindless strolls along busy streets till they go silent; stuffing our selves till being bloated is just but a mere understatement; incessant idle chatter which lasts for hours on end; hysterically choking on laughter in public - like fools, as if we owned the streets; downing coffee into the wee hours of the night; playing video games for hours and hours without a single care - as if we were 5 year olds high on candy; thrashing out thoughts as we relief our selves from the stress - in the comfort of understood secrecy...

"There are two types of best friends... the ones who supports you, and the ones who try to bring out the best in you" and my kind brother, you've been nothing short of being both, and only the best of both worlds. Always quick and never hestitant to criticise me when I'm wrong, but just as rapid to encourage when I was right, but nonetheless, always there at my side through the thickest and the thin - Never ever failing to say "I told you so" everytime I fell... while picking me up.

Troubles always seem minute and non-existent whenever time is spent with you, my wisest friend and dearest counsel. This is my insignificant tribute in words, bona fide, to you, even though perhaps you will never chance upon this - since you actually don't read blogs! haha!

To my brother for years past, present and never ending; I thank you - I thank you sincerely and evermore, and I only can pray that I've been as quarterly as a best friend as you have always been.

I don't think it's an overstatement, neither too strong a phrase, to say "I love you my brother", because you're dear to me, as to my own life and second only to my parents.

098.

2008-12-25T20:46:00.004Z

And then... *POOF* I'm back to writing!

Although I won't be filling in the missing months. After taking sips of cuppa' Cuppaccino, I noticed that I will possibly never be able to write out what has been going on without evolving another 213012031 arms.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

097. Boom-de-yah-dah!

2008-09-07T23:24:00.007+01:00

"I Love The Whole World"

Yes, I Love The Whole World.

Boom de yah dah!

lol.

And Discovery Channel.

I can't get this song out of my head!!

Boom de yah dah.

096. Fillial Piety.

2008-09-01T01:43:00.001+01:00

Over the years, I really struggled to find something in myself to be proud of. Truly, there isn't much quality to be found in me and I have come across to accept and embrace that fact. However, to date - I have found confidence and solace in something which makes me proud of myself. It's actually very simple;

I am the son of my Dad and Mom.

For such Brilliant and More than capable people... I'm pretty much a much much much dwarf-ed compariSON which gives less than significant insight as to how great my parents really are. Not only as Professionals, but also as Friends, Confidents and obviously, Parents. To be honest, I haven't been treating them the way I ought to. I take more than frequent walks down lane disrespectful and throw more than infinite litters of tantrums and just plain "wtf-ness" around. But they always stuck to me.

I am proud. I am proud (because) of my Parents. I Love them wholeheartedly.

I'd say before, that I'm willing to "die" for my friends. Well.

I ABSOLUTELY will die for my parents.

But why this sudden hint of Nirvana?

Well, simply because, a long time ago, I decided that I would repay my gratefulness and their kindness, love and patience towards me. As well as (obviously) repay them back the money that they have spent to raise me (and keep me more than joyful). I Know for a fact that that isn't what they are after (the latter of course), but it is what I NEED and WANT to do. That's the duty bestowed by God's will for every son and daughter. And I'm not usually judgemental... but, if there is anyone that doesn't even show a hint of filial piety - well, I'm sorry, but you have failed in life. Big Time.

Side tracked alittle there... so yes, I intended to repay them back (as most of you will)... so when I recieved my first pay (in cash - 1.3k!!)... I did what I always wanted to do first - I gave them my entire wage. (Sorry to all the people whom I promised a treat. But really, my cooking isn't THAT bad. It's edible!)

For one moment, I really learnt something about myself. I couldn't care less about money that I've earnt. Sure enough, I need it to survive, but other than that... I'm willing to disassociate with it anytime for anyone. Pirioty to my Parents.

All in all. I really had a fulfilling day. By far, the most in my recent years (lol, I only have 20 of them. Not many.) This is by far, the best way to spend my money. On the two people whom I hold dearly in my heart. No body can displace them.

As the ancient chinese once catergorised their morality... of Filial Piety, Loyalty, Benevolence, Love, Propriety, Righteousness, Integrity and Honour... I think;

Filial Piety Above All.

論語 Chapter 1: Line 6
孔子曰: "弟子,入則孝,出則弟,謹而信,凡愛眾,而親仁."

Lunyu (Analects of Confucius)
Confucius Said: "A young man should be a good son at home and an obedient young man abroad, sparing of speech but trustworthy in what he says, and should love the multitude at large but cultivate the friendship of his fellow men."

Summarised as "duty first and then accomplishments"

論語 Chapter 2: Line 7
孔子曰: "今之孝者,是謂能養. 至於犬馬,皆能有養,不敬何以別乎."

Confucius Said: "Nowadays for a man to be filial means no more than that he is able to provide his parents with food. Even hounds and horses are, in some way, provided with food. If a man shows no reverence, where is the difference?"

Summarised as "there must be reverence in filial duty"

095. Simplicity.

2008-08-28T19:20:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #83

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut."

Albert Einstein

This is in regards to not only observations of people in general, but also, mostly, in regards to myself. Perhaps, a crude reminder to oneself - Not subjecting this onto Anyone in particular.

Richard Bach once said; "If your happiness depends on what somebody else does (or thinks), I guess you do have a problem." I have a Huge problem. But I'm looking to solve that.

Life is simple.

Einstein once famously quoted; "Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."

It's just not easy - it's really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. Life is easier than you'd think; all that is necessary is to accept the "Impossible", do without the "indispensable", and bear the "intolerable". Right... Read on.

To Understand and Listen - Listen to Reason, Reason Logicically, Logically Simple, (and) Simply (be) Happy. I'd Say. Complications only arise and belong in movies and novels in my honest opinion, and has no place in the real world. To allow such things to occur, is because we want and has become so.

As Mark Twain once said; "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." And when he said troubles, he meant troubles such as life-threatening situations - so... can someone tell me why are we so disillusioned with life?

Alright, so, for example - we have encountered a problem... Perhaps, a problem that is out of the blue, rare and REALLY huge... so what do we do? We solve it. Easy. Even more so, if the problem occurs between friends, family or someone or people whom you're close with. Logically, they would be the ones who would understand you the most (and vice-versa). So, how much harder is it to work it out? "Not Much" would be my answer.

Perhaps unfortunate, but so often, people waste energy by moaning and groaning about a problem (including myself). Yet, if they just realigned their attitude and focused on the solution or on the opportunity, the challenge would not seem as big as they think it is. (Henry Ford)

If you can't see a solution - then let me tell you something - you don't have a problem. (G. K. Chesterton) Although it's also considerably wise to remember that you won't find a solution by saying there is no problem either. Plus points to remember as well that if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

If we don't talk, discuss nor even meet. How do we get things solved? - Very simply again, we don't.

So the Moral of the lesson is; Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them for they're always there. Be of open eyes and mind, listen and seek to understand; for the moment you try to listen, the problem is en route to desintation solution.

As Charles Mingus would have it; Making the simple complicated is commonplace; but making the complicated (that was never in the first place complicated) simple? Now, that's awesomely simple - that's creativity.

Ever wonder why they said "Simple Football is the Best Football" ? Because that's how you achieve a goal fastest without much hassle.

Just to pitch in a little pessimism in this full-of-disappointment-but-yet-still-stubbornly-very-optimistic mumbo-jumbo; "Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them." Although I doubt anyone will take refuge in that wisdom. For even the most sophiscated person hopes for the good in people.

I know I do.

I accept and believe in the "Impossible".

For in simplicity
There isn't any sorrow
Not as bitter a pill to swallow
That may'nt beat
A good nap's fleet.

Which is to say... there's nothing too complicatied, nor sorrowful, that sleep can't cure.

P.S. My appreciation to Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Charles Mingus, William Rotsler, Henry Ford and a whole bunch of dead (and some still alive) writers, philosophers, musicians, founding-fathers/mothers, scientisits (and lets not forget ordinary people). For it is them, who have shaped our world by Addressing and Solving our problems. Keeping life simple and contented.

094

2008-08-01T19:20:00.007+01:00

Quote of the Entry #82

"Time is the wisest counsellor of all."

Pericles

Maybe I should have paid heed to those chain letters... haha!

[Blank]

The same quote for the 3rd time running... doesn't show anything else but the fact that i'm damn lazy.

i guess.

hor?

Anor... anor...

093

2008-07-19T00:39:00.004+01:00

Quote of the Entry #82

"Time is the wisest counsellor of all."

Pericles

Well, time to blog again.

This time, I wish to dedicate this entry to a few people; but I think the most worthy to note is…

My Full Blooded Brother.

The brother whom has come all the way through for me, the brother who shares the same blood as I do, the brother with the same surname. Yep. Full Blooded Brother. The person who has come through thick and thin with me through life!

James =)

(P.S. he ALWAYS bullies me =P )

He’s technically my cousin. But he’s, in reality, my brother. He’s one of the few people on the earth whom I would gladly die for – he’s the only other guy whom my mom can acknowledge as her son;

He’s the one whom I trust the most. He’s the one who would and have gone through shit just for me. And, well, today, I want to dedicate this entry to him Not only because I admire and sincerely appreciate (is a total understatement!) him – but because, I’m really really really really proud that my brother has finally become…

Dr. Lee!!!

For all the hard-work you have put through, all the tears and blood (non-literally) you have shed, for all the determination and fearlessness you have shown; I could only but stand here and hope to emulate you, admiring from afar.

All I can really say is well done… bloody well done, and about time =P to get my MCs.

Someone whom the description “a shining example” fits word for word! – my brother, James =)

YEAHHH F*** YEAHH!!!!!!

hahahaha!

All the best to your future, all the best with the Angel of your Life =P and I’m always here for you. ALWAYYSSSSSS. Haha. Probably something that I won’t say much in life.

Another 2 people whom I wish to dedicate this entry…

My Godsisters! Although not fully blooded, I ADOOORREEEE them to the core! I wish I have sisters Just like them. No changes. Unfortunately, I think I have a bias favoritism towards Esther (the older one) – I have known them through out their whole life, since I was ten years of age. They’re growing soooo fast! (7 and 11)… I miss them loads… even though I see them often enough, I won’t get the chance to when I do go back to Sheffield eventually… =(

Another person to dedicate this entry…

MYSELF! I PASSED MY EXAMS =) averaged a 2.1. THANK GOD. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. =) amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. P.S. thankyewww joey and CJ for the encouragements =)

Joeyy and the graduates…

I HOPE YOU ALL GET JOBS IN SHEFFIELD (or jobs within an hour from Sheffield!)

Timo, Med, Ky, Zw…

NS will be over soon! That’s what I keep telling myself, and that’s what’s gona happen. Take care meanwhile…

Huangwei…

Thanks for always being at my side. Always “waking up my ideas” =P My other brother =)

BH, Janet, Karmun…

Thanks for being there and remembering me for so long =)

Tinaaaa…

I still haven’t cooked for you yet =x

CJ…

Baby, ye missed me ? =x

Andrew, Chris…

Drewy… when your pay check comes in… I’m expecting dinner.

See you both soon! =)

Oh! And Rachel’s performance of late…

Spectacular!!! Pics, pics, pics… damn pretty… They had pianos, dancers, ballerinas , SHIPS and HUGEEE Planet-looking Balloons attached to awesome powsome dancers (which look like a Shinnnyyy beam of Bright light in the photos...) up in the sky performing along to the splendid magical music through the night...

and on the ground...

Simply Amazing!

apologies for the shitty grainy pics
It was my camera phone.
although it looks alright if you don't expand it :x

And…And…

and…

My mom and dad of course!

To my Closest people to my heart, To my best blessings in my life, To my Best advisors in friendship, To the people who are always behind me, and ahead of me, Always picking me up, always dusting the road, always looking out for me.

I love you!

I felt really lazy to update what I did in the previous month… so I just turned it into an entry of dedications. besides, i haven't slept for a day. So I guess its more than a valid reason enough right?

Yep.

092

2008-06-27T07:25:00.005+01:00

Quote of the Entry #81

"Time is the wisest counsellor of all."

Pericles

Time, time, time. "Only time can tell", "time heals all wounds", "there's a time for everything and anything", "time and tide waits for no man", "Time heals what a reason cannot", etc.

Recently, I feel that time's so uber precious - with the graduation of close friends and my cousin brother (Dr. Lee!), as well the timely wedding of another cousin brother, I feel time's been sneaking away from me behind my back. Ky's already in NS, Timo, Med and Zw are going in soon, while Hw doesn't finish till Jan. Drew's in London, and most of the Uni guys are over in KL/Sheff. I also just noticed that my Godsisters finished their holidays a month ago! which is just. Sigh. Hongkong is a must, I need to see my grandmama, as well as the grad ceremony for Dr. Lee in penang. And I think the wedding's going to be held in KL. I think. Then there's aussie. Aussie's a rough plan which I don't know if I should follow through, and pretty much just. nervous.

I feel a slight lack of time. doesn't help that I'm constantly distracted in my thoughts. Then again, I accomplish things best with the lack of time. as my history has told thus far.

It also just struck me - I'm back in Singapore!

Haven't slept much for several days - Been moving from Sheffield (my new/old place) to Oxford (my mom's place) and vice versa twice, then down from Sheffield to London to renew my passport. It took only 4 hours to renew! Brilliant. then flew back here. DEAD DEAD TIRED.

Been back in for 2 days, haven't really told anyone, done loads of reading. Finished off "The Time Traveller's Wife" which is a OMGFANTASTIC book. which I will write about next time I guess...

Anyways, as promised, here was what I did in the past 2 months or so. This is the procrastination that I was meant to do during my exams, unfortunately, I procrastinated on procrastination and did other stuff. I swear, one day, my laziness will kill me. Notice the lack of studying pics - my exams were practically like a non-existant phase in the past 2 months!

There's shit loads of pics. so, obviously I won't be uploading all 120312031023 pics, instead just a few here and there to summarise what I've/we've been up to - so, i shall start with 2 months back, when timomo first came... p.s. sorry for jumbling up the pics, it IS pretty fustrating to upload 37 pictures up.

AIYO SO CUTE! (i tried timo) @ London Eye

Squirrel giving a hi5 welcome to timo @ Hyde Park, London

Hiking CJ, HY, Renie, YC, Ellen @ Hope, Peak District

Timo, supposedly falling to his ugly death, while I try to save him by taking a picture
@ Chatsworth

Timo was consistantly complaining abt how much he wanted to take photos with this and that girl over here...
and finally had the balls to take with one... albeit non-living
Love is blind.
@ Chatsworth

Timo and his broken luggage. LOL. Run lar. run somemore.
@ Heathrow Airport

We really wanted to renact the harry potter invisible cloak scene.
But without the proper props, we settled on posing 'ying'
@ Christchurch College, Oxford Uni, Oxford

Manchester United :) @ Manchester

Timo has strange tastes @ Midland Safari Park

Midland Safari Park! @ Somewhere near Birmingham

Homely surprise for me birthday. Thanks! :) @ Sheffield

'ying' picture. had to put it. @ Chatsworth

Another 'ying' picture. We seriously have 120310310 types of this picture. lol
@ Chatsworth

Cam pimp and Cam whore (timo)
@ Hope, Peak District

I... was trying to push CJ off. I swear! :p
@ Hope, Peak District

She was moving straight towards us. And I immediately scrolled up my window. But not before snapping a picture. lol.

@ Midlands Safari Park

He loves me. He does.
@ Hope, Peak District

Rhinoooooo! he was practically an inch away from our car!
I was scared. but took a picture anyway.
@ Midlands Safari Park

That practically ends my brief intro of what we did... we did shitloads more, like chasing sheeps (LOL), chickens, London, stonehenge, loads of football, etc etc... unfortunately, all the photo's are with timomo. esp. the London ones. So, i probably will do a second update next time. maybe. lol

and so... timo left, leaving me with a week to the exams
but not quite yet - my dad came :)

My dad, my dad! he loves, antiques and history (partially explains my interests), and was particularly interested in chatsworth... so a revisit to chatsworth (also a good chance to show you what timo and me saw) ;

Chatsworth's like this HUGE mansion. with its own garden and farm (i thinks)... and inside the mansion...

...it's damn beautiful! while their garden even consists of...

a maze!

My mother NEVER takes pictures. Never. (we never have had a family protrait/picture)
So I was just beaming with joy when she said
"lets take pictures!" :)

Background: Chatsworth Mansion

Recognise that fountain? its in Pride&Prejudice... the one with Kiera Knightley

:)

a tree fountain - so unique. there's even a small rainbow!

i just found it interesting

:) :) :)

one thing i love about spring/summer - flowers in full bloom

They were also showing this over at chatsworth...

...it's the sth sth bolt... the broomstick which harry potter used to ~~sweep~~ fly in the movies.
no idea why it was on show there. probably the place was used in one of the scenes or sth.

i LOVE dogs. i want a border collie.

I love my parents :)

Let me explain why, I love my mom working over in the UK, even though she lives in another city - apart from the obvious that cuz' I simply love her being around... but also. she cooks damn damn well. not only superbly well, but cooks in LARGE portions. for her son :)

And also, helps moving alot easier.

She drives while I carry stuff.

:)

Also, funnily, she's always reminding me of things (she has better memo than me lol). for example, she was the one who actually reminded me to pay the rent... which I had completely forgotten about. She acts as my strict disciplinarian, keeps me in check, as well as my confidant and my friend, I simply adore my mom to bits :)

Sadly, my mom's job in england has ended, and will be in singapore from thereof :( which is quite saddening... and even though this might look really childish, unadult-like and dependent... I will MISS MY MOMMY!

who doesnt?

lol. jokes aside, I do worry though, I'm not there anymore to keep an eye for my mother anymore, physically. I can't see her face to face, and I won't be able to tell if anything's bothering her. I will be able to hear her, but she's an unbelievably good liar over the phone. I swear. haha! ... although my dad's there, I still do worry. They're both aging. and I Worry.

Gotta faster graduate, come back and look after them.

But other than going to chatsworth... we had this after exams/ end of year party by chisoc...

My new flatmates :) Shervin went back home early.

Farewell dinner for Joey...

As well as another hike in Hathersage, Peak District

anyway, I think this entry's rather torturous enough. so I'm putting a fullstop here.

"I hate to be where she's not, when she's not" - from "the time-traveller's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
Such a good book. I finished it in 2 days.

091

2008-06-04T05:46:00.008+01:00

Quote of the Entry #80

"As for the Beckham boot - a complete accident. If I could really do
that (intentionally kick a boot to hit him near the eye), I would
probably still be playing now."

Legendary Man Utd Manager
Sir Alex Ferguson

My exams are about to start in 27 hours while everyone elses are about to end in the week or so.

Wanted to do a super long post before I actually start revising, but instead, I opted to download "Sir Alex: The Frost Interview" (which is the first full length interview done by (66 year old) Sir Alex Ferguson over 20++ years). I amaze myself to new heights on my laziness and simply-outstanding ability (yes, it is an Ability) to procrastinate even in the dying hours of what, most people would and should be doing - panicking or gritting their teeth to get as much revision as they can out of the way.

So, I guess that super long post (apologies to timomo!) will have to wait - Hey! I did it again - I procrastinated on procrastination.

Anyway, for all those who have exams left, and somehow, instead of studying, you find yourself reading this blog. START STUDYING! and Good Luck :) Just a wee bit more till its all over and done with!

While for all those who have finished. Congrats! would really wana meet up a couple of people after the exams. :)

:)

Also! all the best to kianyou... who's entering NS at the same time when I'll be taking my exams. Hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to meet up with you soon though. :( but still. all the best! have fun inside there lol.

Can't wait till all this is over and done with.

090

2008-05-18T00:02:00.010+01:00

Quote of the Entry #79

"There was never a good war or a bad peace."

Benjamin Franklin

Timomo's here!! To summerise what we've been doing... I would usually put up some pics or tell a few stories here and there... but I'm really really lazy (I blame timomo's influence)... So, instead of doing that, I will summerise in two words. Lagi Bagus! (very good - right?)

Anyways, past few days, been spending it with Chris and Timo(CW, Andrew)... catching up some movies, namely "Kite Runner" (omg, freaking awesome), "Falls of the Legend" (made me choke abit. just abit!), "Virgin Snow" and and and! Finally.

"Atonement".

Brilliant! Absolutely Fantastic. And it has pretty much exceeded my expectations (that I had for like 5 months) - so much so, that not only did I tear (yep, I admit - this is one of the movies where I can probably drown myself in (manly) dews) during the movie, I choked practically everytime I watch or listen to the Dunkirk Scene / Elegy for Dunkirk piece, excluding the other parts where, Briony confesses her utmost bitterful wrongdoing (even though it didn't actually happen - she came to the fact that she can't, and probably never will, atone for what she has done in the past... which was really touching)... or even at the part where Cecilia and Robbie take turns expressing their love for each other in their own ways (it was simply breath-taking)- it also prompted me to purchase the "Atonement" book - for only 2 pounds!

Anyways, just to make it alil' more interesting... here's the link to one of my favorite scenes in the movie (which is what the quote is related to);

Atonement - Dunkirk Scene

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Re-clothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives thy service find,
In deeper reverence praise.

In simple trust like theirs who heard,
Beside the Syrian sea,
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word
Rise up and follow thee.

O Sabbath rest by Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with thee
The silence of eternity,
Interpreted by love!

Drop thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still small voice of calm!

What made me choke. was the - first of all - freaking fantastic poetry in motion - Simple awesome, and breath-taking scene. It absolutely. absolutely. tore the pages of history (Evacuation of Dunkirk), took the best bits, The most emotion gripping parts, and repainted them into moving pictures. Brilliant. (P.S. if you found the shooting of the horses alittle weird - that was done to prevent the Nazis from taking any equipment that may be useful to them, hence, the destruction of their own arms, equipments, artillery, cars, trucks, and even bibles (depicted in the movie by burning of books and pages of the bible) (oddly) ). It depicted the evacuation quite vividly. In a 5minute non-stop portrayal of one of the most devasting wars the world has ever witnessed - and it reminds (or just me) us of how many, Millions of lives had been sacrificed just so we can live the good life we have today. have the peace we have. have the freedom we have. This single fact, can make me tear alone. Maybe, because I'm a history freak (I Love (ancient mostly) history - my first, and utmost job dream, was and is to be a professor in History), and hence this scene touched me more (from timomo's comprehension).

Wars are completely useless. Fueled by the greedy few people in high positions and carried out/let do by ignorant people like us. Wars never achieve anything. Never anything good.

Other than establishing the fact that we all already know - another thing that made me tear was the. Humanity shown. It shows that soldiers have compassion, even when they've undergone so much shit (like killing people (I can hear "no shit" screaming from chris and andrew, lol)). for example, the man with an eye patch - when he sees the horses being shot - he said "That's not right" in a quite, emotional soft spoken tone (for a Humongous buff man). and stopping for awhile to helplessly witness the cruelty dispatched with ease by the French captain. Even with the injuries he had sustained, he hasn't lost his sense of compassion and love for life (even if its just an animal). Another example - and yet another thing that made me choke - was the prayer by the company of soldiers on the balcony... It was a very. very. simple prayer. and their expressions were just. priceless. The symphony of different men from different platoons consisting of probably different races, language and lives(i say that because the belgians, dutch, english and french troops were all there historically), coming in unity, to sing that little nice song.

Such a freaking good show. It's definitely going up to my top 10 5 list. Hats off to Ian McEwan yet again. Never would I imagine a writer to pull that off at the end either. Such a good and unique twist. And whoever directed the show - the pictures are just Astounding. Beautiful movie.

*Applauses*

*Fully Satisfied*

Anyways, picked 2 photos to summerise what's going on here with timomo;

Timomo and Me ~~trying to~~ strike a cool pose - recognise the background? its part of the Harry Potter movie thingymajiggy (not a big fan, but I'm guessing its in the school where Harry puts on the invisible cloak for the first time)

With timomo being here and all... it's safe to say that we're bound to do sth retarded... "(me) interviewing new man utd ~~player~~ comer (timo)"

Champions! :D

It has been fun so far (lol, sounds like I'm the one on holiday)... tho, I'm quite apologetic to timomo for not being able to bring him about everyday, with labs, projects and presentations that I can't bail =/

Man. wish he was here permanently. lol. Oh yea, and I'm injured again. Hopefully my tendons don't break again. haha

Sigh.

089

2008-04-30T14:55:00.004+01:00

Quote of the Entry #78

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.

Abraham Lincoln

I hate changes...

but apart from that random line I've just typed out...

A short snippet from a conversation Timomo and me discussing about his plans to come over;

(10:45 AM) Nicholas: work hard, take over my mom in the future ler
(10:45 AM) Tim: hahahahha =p
(10:46 AM) Nicholas: then subsequently become the boss
(10:46 AM) Nicholas: =x
(10:46 AM) Nicholas: hahaha
(10:46 AM) Tim: u think i so zai meh
(10:46 AM) Tim: lol
(10:46 AM) Nicholas: Zaii. better leh.
(10:46 AM) Nicholas: i bank in ALL my money with u! hahaha
(10:46 AM) Tim: lol siao
(10:47 AM) Nicholas: =P
(10:47 AM) Nicholas: not as siao as u. last min decision to come here
(10:48 AM) Nicholas: hahah
(10:48 AM) Nicholas: cool lar
(10:52 AM) Tim: hahahaha
(10:52 AM) Tim: dun u love me
(10:52 AM) Tim: =p
(10:52 AM) Nicholas: i do i do
(10:52 AM) Nicholas: =P
(10:52 AM) Tim: omg.. i feel damn excited now
(10:53 AM) Tim: u betta get those man utd tics.. and this will be my BEST HOLIDAY EVER
(10:53 AM) Tim: =x
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: LOL
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: trying!
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: damn hard
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: lol
(10:53 AM) Tim: hahahaha WOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT I CANT WAIT
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: i even called the operator to ask to buy HIS ticket - how hard does that tell you!?
(10:53 AM) Tim: =x
(10:53 AM) Nicholas: cant wait either =) =) =)
(10:54 AM) Tim: haha =)
(10:54 AM) Tim: me go eat dinner now
(10:54 AM) Tim: lol
(10:54 AM) Tim: goin med house later
(10:55 AM) Tim: to catch liverpool vs chelsea
(10:55 AM) Tim: me med zw n ky
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: nicee lar
(10:55 AM) Tim: meet up wif them last time
(10:55 AM) Tim: b4 i go
(10:55 AM) Tim: lol
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: oh
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: ky
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: not coming le?
(10:55 AM) Tim: anithin u want frm sg bo
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: i want..... but i guess i have to settle for timothy
(10:55 AM) Tim: i later will ask them.. see if they wann join us.. in between my 1 mth stay there
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: =x
(10:55 AM) Tim: =x
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: HAHA
(10:55 AM) Tim: OMG I AM 2nd choice....... fuck larrrrrrrr
(10:55 AM) Nicholas: yeaa! that wld be sweet lar
(10:55 AM) Tim: i dun1 go le

I guess these are one of the things that you'd never imagine guys to say.

Anyways, main point is, I'm feeling really ecstatic. Timomo's coming! :) :) :)

Talk about last minute plans! Need I say more? Gona be bunking in with me for a month... Hopefully, I will be able to show him a great time over here. I know how much he has worked his butt (non-literally, lol) off just to save up for this trip, so yep. :) :) :)

Although, unfortunately, I have no control over the fate which lies gloomingly over our Man Utd vs West Ham tickets (this sat)... which are all sold out. But still hoping for the best. hopefully the operator would sell him his tickets to us :)

Damn! Really lifts my spirits :)

The presentation on monday went extremely well too... which makes it sort of a double joy for me (despite the agonising last min work). AND AND. Manchester United's going to the Champions League Final :) What a great game!

:)

It's already May, I think I can make it for another 7 days :)

088

2008-04-28T06:18:00.004+01:00

Quote of the Entry #77

"Dum Spiro Spero"

"While I Breathe, I Hope"

Cicero

So, it's 4am. As usual, I'm doing my ritual of last minute work; a presentation of the biomolecule enzyme, Arginine : glycine amidinotransferase (AGAT). I don't know why I linked it, it's not like you'd be interested lol. But if you are...

Here's a Summary of What I have to Present:

The only problem lies in that I can't really concentrate somehow or another. Of late, everything I do, my mind seems to drift away a wee tad too easily.

I guess, if anything, Timomo's (albeit not his real name!) assurance of coming over makes life ~~a little~~ a lot less harsh. Every now and again, I would ponder of where we would visit - although watching a Man Utd game would rank top on my dreamlist :) My hopes for Ky to join Timomo over also soothens the mind once in every while :) I guess its rather selfish of me to hope that they would come; since the amount of money required to travel is freakishly expensive... but its the fact that I won't be able to spend as much time with them over the next 2 years (due to NS) which feeds that certain selfish dream of mine.

Bonds can easily break, friends can easily disappear - it's possibly one of the weakest type of bond whcih exists in the world, yet, has the strongest effect in all of us. Good news is that the bonds don't actually degrade totally; it merely gets diluted and its possible to make those bonds grow back again. I guess, I guess, I'm just bitter from losing a few close friends of mine through time. It often goes through my head "How did I let That happen?". Yet, it's this constant bitter taste which reminds me of my current batch of friends now :) Its the bitter taste in life, which reminds us of the sweets I guess!

It's not even 5 days and I'm in such upheveal. Boo.

If there's another thing I can count on to take my mind off things - its football. I realise that it's not just playing football that helps me take a breather from the hectic thoughts up in my head; its the people whom I play with. I'm taking last friday as an example - the game vs Brunei (which sparks off a friendly rivalry with MASSOC it would seem).

I was REALLY moody, down and out on that day. I hadn't had much sleep, and my labs weren't fantastic - I went for footy in one of my lowest dip in spirit. I probably would have just stood there the whole game if it wasn't for Chris :) who seem to be dragging me up by my collar the whole night. I didn't concentrate at all while warming up with chris (hm. lol) an hour before the game - My mentality was such that I didn't feel like playing. I didn't feel like diving. I didn't feel like being hit by balls at the speed of light. lol.

Having said that... when it came to the actual match, I suddenly became fired up - intoxicated simply by watching Arfiz, Eugene, Chris, Farid (who had an ankle injury), Azraai and Joule playing their hearts out. It also kinda helped to see Bruneians play with the utmost intensity in their bellies. The match itself was so damn good, and played with such furiousity, it kinda left me bemused that we are all, in fact, friends.

Chris scored a hat-trick (MoM for me). While Eugene remained steadfast, putting in unstoppable passes. Farid (amazingly, with his ankle injury) and Azraai were solid in defence. Joule wasn't feeling too well (i think) but still played on. And, Arfiz was simply unlucky - for on another day, he'd probably shelf in bottomless pits of goals.

As for me. I conceded 3 goals. 2 from a series of good play from the bruneians - one where the defence failed to pick up a runner on the far left and another losing out on in the middle. Those two goals, I probably would say... were good goals. The last goal was conceded from the left again - which I should have saved. I don't know what's happening to me of late, but ever since the London Games, every shot taken from the sides, I begin jumping up instead of diving to my right/left. I'm Frustrated. I feel that my sense of bravery has taken a dip - I usually close down any shots, looking head on. But of recent, I just... stand there. I guess certain lapses of concentration doesn't help either.

Anyways, I did make some decent saves. But if there was one that I want to point out (just to make myself a little happier) was the last shot of the game - where the score was 3-3. Chris just took a shot, which past the keeper and scathed the bar (So unfortunately!). Keeper passes straight to Sach on the break, with another stiker to his right. I rushed out to the corner of my box and half-expected him to shoot (he's quite short, but he's damn fast - by the time I had rushed out, he had dirbbled from the halfway line to my line). Instead, he passed it to his right, which left a huge opening in my goal. Luckily for me, I was standing in stance where I was ready to dive. He shot. And so I dived, to my right. And saved the shot. Catched it as well. I saved it :) I guess it also helps my confidence level that I was being constantly praised by the teammates at the end of the game. Farid even made a corny little joke of how "Wings suddenly appeared at your back. Although it was alittle blurry lar."

I couldn't help but smile. Just for a moment. I'm contented, but by no means happy. I thought I could have done better - one good save doesn't cover for 3 abysmal positioning. It doesn't help to have that on my mind either. But I really thought it was a fabulous game, if you were there, you'd understand. The atmosphere was one of such rivalry and intensity - and the determination shown by my teammates - I find it super fortunate for me to be part of the team :) I Love this team!

And so, ended that great night. Had another sleepless night. And came Saturday, played for Japsoc against Hksoc. Dragged Chris along - where he scored again - the opening goal in fact, to end in a 8-0 win. I kept a cleansheet from a few shots. Didn't really do much in the whole match - Japsoc were constantly pounding at the doors of HKsoc while HKsoc had all their players back in defence constantly. The few times that they broke through were in the dying minutes of the game... since Japsoc already had 8 goals, they weren't too fanatical about chasing back (who would be? lol)

Watched the United game with ze friends... left disappointed and bothered. Went to sleep at 4pm.

Fast Forward to Monday, 5am. Here I am, sleepless yet again - I think I've only slept 10-12 hours in 4 days lol. Currently ~~rushing for a presentation~~ procrastinating. Still very much bothered, but still pretty much alive, so its going good I guess! haha.

Sigh.

087.5

2008-04-24T20:05:00.013+01:00

It's a friggin' marathon, not a run around the park - I can't just sprint to the finishing line without catching my breath. Fortunately, the cramps are thawed and thirst quench by utmost camaraderie of my friends.

I need patience. I need maturity. I need to be calm. I need to be level-headed. I need good judgement. I need discipline. I need to be decisive. I need to differentiate between want and need. I need to be unbiased. Actually, I need to be biased.

I don't know - Again, this comes back to the point that I need to be decisive.

"I Don't Know" is my special three words.

=====

Regarding that, that - First of all - I Hope it's about me. So, assuming it is about me - for once, let me be condescending - I Understand.

I Don't know if you will chance upon this. Probably never. But let's just assume you do;

Firstly (a second first) - this, this whole post and bits and bobs of the previous posts - is what you make me feel. It's nice. It's really awesome. It's grandeur-a-splendeur. It's Warm. It's an opulence of pure joy. I swear. I like it alot. Don't ever be apologetic nor feel any penitence. Beacause. well;

Because, I have always said. I understand. And I don't mind. I will wait, as I promise. I never have, and never will break a promise to you. Whatever I say or do, is what I really mean and mean to do - It's not a gesture of goodwill;

It's Never a gesture of "only giving". For you to feel penitence is my own failure to send this message to you. And for this, I am truly sorry. I really want to do this right if its wrong. And, if I did precieve, its my own deception. If I did precieve, it's my own fault - I shouldn't have. But let's say I didn't, for You, You are whom I know as, and I wish you to stay as whom you are. I never would wish you to change, neither would I want, nor for anyone's sake - wish, to know you any different from the way I know you.

I really understand.

Of course, if that was for me. if. if. if. ifs.

=====

Amazing what a few short sentences of human language correlates to one's sudden change in mentality. Tumult of Emotions. Sweet Frustrations. Bitter Momentary Joy. These words palpates my heart - and almost at the same time - jabs a wicked punch right straight into my gut.

Vertigo.

I have figured out and placed my decision. But like all CPUs, my RAM just isn't high enough - I'm not going to, and probably never have, function properly over the next few days. or week. I Haven't had sleep. I Haven't had food. I Haven't had a single clue to what we were doing in the labs. I Haven't been to lectures. I Haven't the concentration and will to play for my teammates. I Haven't been simply happy, for happy sakes or simply sad, for sadness sakes. I Haven't not been constantly thinking. My inadequate RAM just doesn't allow me to process all those functions at the same time - at the exact same time - as that.

Soporific thoughts. That's what I need right now. Silent zephyrs of a spring's night perhaps. Maybe a saunter along anywhere. Anywhere but along the garden of reverie. Something other than contrived actions or acting in the right decorum that's expected of me.

But. There always is a but. A good indication of me, still being alive.

One thing I know is. I will not give up. This is something - I think - I really, really Want and Need to do. I Don't want to let it fade, I want to do something right for once. Success or Failure. I Don't even want to think about what's to come. I don't want expectations. A crazy - but well thought out - dash to the finishing line.

It's good stuff that I haven't crashed and burn just yet. And I'm confident that I won't. Definitely never.

Oh, just one other thing I really need - true blue friends. And I'm glad that that's something I already have; in abundance.

"Sometimes, I wish I could have lived 7 lives - To be able to live in all 7 continents, to be born in 7 different countries with 7 unique cultures. 7 lifetime worths of food and be able to speak in 7 different tongues. 7 different bunch of friends, 7 different paths of life and 7 different hobbies... and... to fall for the same person every single, and each 7 times.

For the last wish, I wish I had lived an infinite worths of lives instead."

087

2008-04-24T06:12:00.010+01:00

Quote of the Entry #76

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold, we appreciate light because we have been in darkness; by the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness "

- David Weatherford

I love the quote above; it's one of the (extremely few) quotes I have taken to heart, and am able to say out loud. It also bears much worth to me too, because I've seen it somewhere (of importance to me) before - 3,4 years back in secondary, and it just... stuck with since then.

So... what's with this super early post at 6am in the bloody morning?

I just recieved a parcel of 4 newly purchased books yesterday - my usual interest in ancient history and culture successfully coaxed me into buying David Gemell's semi-historical series of 3 novels entitled "Troy: Lord of The Silver bow", "Troy: Shield of Thunder" and "Troy: Fall of Kings". It's highly unlike the undecisive me to purchase somethings on a whim - just ask CJ - I usually take shitloads of time brooding over something before I finally decide to buy something (for myself). But since this triplet were going on for a tenner at that time, I decided... "why not?".

However, there was this - disgusting, wicked - little scheme that amazon had put together... by spending 15 quid or over; you will get free shipping (UK only), so I fell for that, and in search of another book to purchase, I picked Ian McEwan's "On Chesil Beach" - which was, apparantly highly recommended by... by... erm... people. Besides, it was written by the same (amazing) author of "Atonement" - which, I haven't watched. Despite having it saved onto my com since, what? January? Yep. (But I probably will love it) So why not watch it? Cuz' I'm trying to find the ~~time~~ (lol, who am I kidding, I have shitloads of time), motivation and ambience to watch it. Yes. I need a significant inspirational atmosphere to watch certain movies. Although, strangely - or should it be Stranger instead, if it's not already strange - that this only occurs if I watch movies by myself. Fickle.

Remember; I am someone who Procrastinates on Procrastination.

Anywho. Moving beyond the major walk-a-bout-digression that was highly uneccessary; back to "On Chesil Beach". I can safely say; I am truly, Captivated by the novel. It's also the first time I ever read a Rommance/Love-themed fiction novel (I have read love short stories before of course, but never read a whole novel's worth before) And, I genuinely and thoroughly enjoyed it. In fact, I'm still awake at 6 8am because of this little brilliant charming book.

Mr McEwan, with many many gazillions of respect - if respect can be counted that is - brings the characters exuberantly into life. He portrays Both people and the places so astounishingly well to such an extent that I can actually picture the process of the story frame by frame. That's how detailed and how sublime I thought it was. It left me feeling three main emotions throughout the novel - Dreamy, Disappointment and Utter Devastation (shock) - along with the conventional "happy and sad" feelings that comes with all stories. A definite read me thinks. Oh yes, it's also a wee bit sensual. But then again, its my first time reading such type of book, so I can't really compare. But at the end, I heaved a huge sigh - that's how much I was "into" the book. Albeit alittle disgusted about how "love" is viewed by men and in general public view (through McEwan's eyes). Maybe I belong to the older generations, born waaay after my time. haha.

Also, I Finally... finally. completed a little personal project of mine... to which I'm pretty pleased with the outcome. Exchanged a nexus of fulfilment, momentary hilarity and a state of reverie for some moanful cuts on my fingers. Also, it's a pretty bad idea to touch super glue with raw flesh - it stings a bunch, and the "super" glue never actually makes you "super". Don't know why it's called "super" for! :P (credit to "Jokes&Sacarsm for Dummies" by Chris and Drew, hahah)

Note to self: do NOT bend copper wire and handle chisels/drill-thingymajiggys bare handed.

I really don't know how I'm gona survive today - let alone this week - I've got labs today, tommorrow and footy later, tommorrow and saturday, with a jolly presentation dateline on monday to complete the spoonful of sugar. Albeit genetically modified to give a significantly bitter horrendeous taste. (another one for the "Jokes&Sacarsm for Dummies" wey! lol)

Amongst the general ongoing agony about work and upcoming exams; I am actually very excited! Timomo's planning to visit! :D - although plans aren't finalised and still dependent on a few factors... I'm totally upbeat and resolved as to having him come! Especially with the Asian Cup coming! we can finally play together in a competition - since secondary. Tours. Definitely tours of the major cities and sights. But most importantly, Manchester United MUST MUST MUST be part of our objectives... which is currently what I'm working my butt off for - trying to get tickets for a Man Utd game, albeit 3 only remaining, I'm determined to get - or extort - some tickets!

Not expecting much, am hoping for the best, but definitely never giving up - I guess this quote can be used here, as well as describing the above scenario (which by God, I hope it turns out well - I would gladly pon lessons for a week!) it also kinda describes my current state of... erm. well-being.

But, I guess the words "Always On My Mind" best explains what I've felt, and still feel, daily; constantly leaving me on clouds upon clouds of sweet reverie.

086

2008-04-21T05:02:00.013+01:00

Quote of the Entry #75

"The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us."

- Ashley Montagu

Momentary Joy :)

So, here I am again. In the same position as always. Rushing in an Essay which is dued in exactly 36 hours. Procrastination is an alluring temptress - I can never leave her alone, neither can she. Essientially, she's my mistress and Hopefully, by Grace, Lady Luck will never find out this obscene adultery.

If she does, I'm so damned screwed.

Anyways. Headed down to the International Cultural Evening meanwhile, as well as more football to fill in the couple days of late. (p.s. pictures below aren't mine... I kopped it from wengtze's facebook)

Well done to MASSOC's performance!

...and the clubbing event afterwards

The place was fully packed, and there were good reasons that it was - the performances performed came from a variety of societies and personally, I found it awesome and really entertaining. I actually didn't know that certain societies existed... like the Kazakh and the... erm. Well, Kazakh mostly. But anywho, it was great fun. It's nice to see cultural diversity in unity and harmony.

Which brings me to last friday's and Thursday's football matches - we lost 3-1 on Thursday but won a breathtaking victory (5-4) on Friday.

We didn't deserve to lose that particular match on Thurs tbh. We dominated, created zeniths of chances, played them around, unfortunately, Lady Luck decided to go for a walk or something, and we lost.

Friday's match, was much much better. Actually, we had no subs on that day, and Arfiz (who scored 4), Azraai both suffered minor injuries during the match - but we played our hearts out. And well, I thought I played decently well; although needlessly letting in 4 goals (3 deflections); Chris (scored the winning goal) reminded me that I had saved 3,4 times the number that I had let in... which was quite comforting (that he took notice :) too) Besides, I was really fired up for that game too... we all were; don't really know why, but Chris reasoned out that cuz' we were playing for MASSOC's reputation (which was different for thurs), essientially we feel as if we're representing our country. Patriotic as it sounds... not sure if its true, but it sounds good. lol.

btw, in the MASSOC team... essientially everyone's malaysian, except me... I'm not even Singaporean. lol. But I guess since I have roots in Msia and HK, born in England and raised in Singapore, that makes me somewhat a hybrid of malayhonkiesingatish; although the only malay word I know how to say is "apa?" or "alamak" (is that even malay?!), "satu, dua". lol. well... I know how to sing the Singapore National Anthemn... which is in Malay... so, I do know a few words here and there actually haha!

Right... time to appease Lady Luck.

I don't know what to think, what to do, nor how to go about it.

085

2008-04-18T07:29:00.009+01:00

Quote of the Entry #74

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

(P.S. Replaced the old pics with some new ones; Click to enlarge.)

Chanced upon this youtube video about a 46-year old computer science professor, Randy Pausch, delivering a "Last Lecture" at Oprah's Show (I think). Before this, he delievered the actual "Last Lecture" "before a crowd of 400 students and colleagues at Carnegie-Mellon University. This lecture was especially poignant because he had just learned that his pancreatic cancer had recurred with tumors to his liver and spleen, only one year after receiving an operation to remove the disease. Doctors said it was one of the most aggressive recurrences they’d ever seen."

"The Last Lecture; Randy Pausch"

I found this really, really, Really inspirational. I even ~~wept~~ shed a tear right at the end. There were really some good quotes in there as well, and the one that I took to heart was;

"Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us know how badly we want things"
This quote and the foremost on top probably can go hand in hand; and definitely will serve me more than once in times to come... I guess. So... I guess I'm gona head down to the shed store to buy me a sledge hammer. And hopefully the wall breaks before my will does. lol.

But something else struck me as well - what amazed me is... people have been giving these advices daily, for dozens, centuries and milleniums of years; it's probably common sense... but it takes a dying man for people to actually realise it, to be inspired. Only at the end, do we only truly understand the feeling of what we didn't have, gained, had, and then subsequently lost.

It also showed how much family really means to, generally, everyone. Professor Pausch showed some really hard, gritty, optimistic attitude during his "lecture". Yet, even for such a man of his stature, in front of a public audience, he chokes at the end - upon realising that he's going to leave his kids and wife. for good.

Life and Death eh? Shivers-down-your-spine stuff. To be honest, as much as I Fear death, I'd rather die before anyone dear to me "kicks the bucket". That said, it's probably a selfish wish, since I do have parents to look after... maybe, lets say, a year before anyone's "expiry date". lol.

(...this is gona be quite long...)

====Downside====

Been quite some time since I've blogged; and quite a few events have taken place. Been quite a roller coaster ride of emotions recently - I guess that's compensation for not being able to go to Alton Towers due to my sore tendons (I refuse to use Butt anymore :P ).

I guess I should really rest it; as most of my dear friends have showered caring reminders to me - to which I really really appreciate! But unfortunately, football and playing with my teammates/friends is one of my most-important-must-do-things to me. It serves as a morale booster for me as well; you could say it's my form of cigarettes - it distresses me, keeps me in shape, lets me bond with my friends and improves my skills; socially and football-wise. So, until you get someone who smokes heavily to quit smoke overnight; I don't think I can do it. Hopefully, my tendons don't snap though. lol.

Recent footballing events; Ever since the London Games, I was quite on the high. I performed well in my own opinion. For once; I think I deserved something. I was pretty confident of what I did as well; it provided me both mental and physical confidence - but of course, as with all fire matches, it was only a momentarily spark.

A few factors pulled me up and down; but lets talk football and the downside; I was invited to play for (the white Kris lol) Kristian's friend's (Faruk's) team on every tuesdays after a game where I had to stand in for a player(which I was very very pleased about) and got invited to play for HKSoc in a comeptition; Unfortunately; I damaged my tendons in London while visiting Andrew. And my performance in that game where I got injured wasn't particularly great as well... So I got myself Injured in an underperforming match. anyways, I could'nt continue playing for HKSoc in the competition. Couldn't walk properly; couldn't sit properly; could'nt enjoy myself thoroughly while I constantly bothered Andrew - which I must thank again :) I was practically nursed back into shape - in London.

Over 2 weeks, I healed up much of the pain; although it's still persistantly there; and played for Kris's team on the first week back in Sheff. We won 4-2, played well which was good. Then came thursday and friday, where we drew 3-3 and lost 2-1. Decent performance. Wasn't too upbeat on the pain though. Then came last tuesday; 4 hours of football, my legs were sore (outfield), fortunately no injury, played decently in the first 3 hours... and then... My engine just switched off. I conceded 15 goals in the match. We (Kris' Team) lost 15-6. Yup. I felt a real, surging dip... although I didn't feel as bad as the last time I conceded 7 for MASSOC - Now, that, was just a plane crash; most probably cuz' I'm so much more attached to my closer friends/teammates... Of course, it's not just football that pulled me down...

==========

Studies! Well... practically non-existent. I haven't been upkeeping and looking after my studies ~~well~~ at all. 2 Exams have come and gone these 2 weeks. And I'm not particularly happy at all with either of them. Luckily they only count as a minority of the total mark... Then there's 2 ongoing assingments that I haven't even begun with yet. And probably another practical assingment coming up.

If you still have no idea how much my studies is being affected - I will give you an example which Andrew and I picked up; I Procrastinated on Procrastination. LoL. It was refering to writing this entry. But nonetheless, it kinda shows how sloppy I am at the moment...

Oh yes, lets not forget... the exams in June. "hurrah"

==========

So... the recent downside factors are Football and Studies... finally we come to the "Personal & Family" list. Well.

It's personal. lol.

====On the Fence====

It's spring! Winter's meant to be long gone and despite the time frame of what is supposed to happen, the unexpected happens instead. Snow sNow snOw snoW. I'm talking about snow! How and why it happens, I have no idea. But, other than the dreaded bellowing winds; I quite love the weather at the moment. Somehow, I always preferred cold weather. It also somehow keeps my IBS at bay. Most of the time anyway. Also, I have a reason for my pale complexion. lol.

The recent weird snow showers constantly reminds me somehow, of someone somewhere because of that something that was mentioned sometime somewhat awhile ago. It's kinda like a natural metaphor - it's snowing during spring; it's snowing when it shouldn't be; it's a constant reminder to the winter that has (supposedly) long past; like how I'm constantly thinking somehow, of someone somwhere... well, you get it.

(If you're still reading... I salute you with much much respect)

====Upside====

Well, as all roller coasters fall, they will need to rise again (for another eventual bigger fall)! *Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts*

Family First!

My dad's visiting! :D That itself, is one of the very best-est best news. I miss him dreadfully. I actually miss the quarrels as well. LoL. Family Vacation planned! China! (or) Hongkong! (or) France! Just plans, but I'm really excited. Haven't had a family vacation overseas for a Really really long time. Last time was about 1998 I think. and Guess where. The UK. lol.

Also! went down to oxford to visit my mom during the last week of easter (when I could walk again lol) - visited Stonehenge (yep, am British but never visited stonehenge) as well as the Stourhead Gardens; Which, is an amazing 2-mile (I think) trek. The scenary was breathtaking. As usual, I will let my pictures do the talking (I took them with my phone... so it's not particularly great)

Stonehenge! is...

...as many would expect... a Bunch of Large Stones! :P

Entrance to Stourhead...

Stourhead Mansion!...

Has shitloads of paintings and antiques inside! Unfortunately, no pics were allowed...
...actually, its quite fortunate, considering how long this entry is...

The Backdoor Entrance to the Mansion...
...Unfortunately my phone camera isn't good enough to capture the full extent of its beauty

The 2-mile "Garden" had Tons of the yellow flowers above...
... as well as the red flowers below...

...and these, really, lovely white flowers... so...
...now you know I don't study botany (I don't know the names of the flowers)

They have this MASSIVE ~~pond~~ Lake as well... with swans!

...And even little caves with statues in them...

...and other huge monumentual structures...

...that held Roman Gods/Goddesses Scuptures in them...

The same building from the other side of the lake...

I was cam-pimping away with the ducks and swans...

By the way, they had miniture "islands" in the lake!

Beautiful and Serene

Thats probably a short summary of the garden for ya

A beautiful 2-mile walk

Descending from another monument building; My picture-shy mom!
Thats probably where I get my "hating taking pictures of me" gene from. lol.

Next on the list; Seeing my cousin again! After spending time with him the last time I went back, I realise HOW sorely I missed him. I missed the times when we were younger and I would just spend my holidays with him 24/7. Literally! Also on my list; My (another - I have 213231415 cousins... not sure what number he is, but we used to live together lol) Cousin's getting married! That's actually one of the reasons why I bought the suit lol... which brings me to...

MASSOC DnD!

My Tablemates/Dinnermates/Mateymajiggys

- Graceful Jessica Chia . Exquisite Jocelyn . Lovely Jessica Wan-

- Classy Isaac . Elegant Bernard . Stylish Nelson -

...CJ's taking the pic and Malcolm's missing...

...Didn't have any other photos of all of us... so... there!
Another brilliant pic by CJ; I'm really not gay - but that's such a handsome pic lol

Isaac. Me. Bernard

Cam Whore. Extreme Cam Whore. Cam Pimp :P
(CJ, Isaac, Me)

CJ again. Nelson. Me :P

My Pulchritudinous, Ravishing Future ~~Flatties~~ Flatemates
Simply Beautiful
Eat your heart out timohwmedzwetceveryguyelsewhereinthewholewideworld :P

Think there were more people there, but CJ equipment was only that big
lol

There's like 100++ pictures, but unfortunately, I think my blog will explode if I attempt to upload all... so... yea.

In summary; I thought the night was well fun. It took my mind off my exam-the-next-day-which-I-totally-flunked ! Very well co-ordinated and not too overwhelmingly big. It was nice and quite cozy, great experience. And at least it didn't make me feel too guilty about the suit (until my credit summary comes). The food was fantastic as well! so... haven't got much to complain about - which makes me doubt of my singaporean background. A great day :)

A big round-of-applause-my-hats-off to YihChyn and the committee really

P.S. Great pics CJ!
P.P.S Babylon's the best table :P

(Almost done now...)

London Recap

Because I didn't really post much about London...

Group Photo!

Watch where Malcolm places his hands... lol

Hm...

Hmmm...

...

Oh snap... :P

I was very sleepy... but now that I've noticed...
I'm wondering where Jasper was looking at

lol

Group Photo 3
I honestly didn't know Jocelyn was a head shorter than me...
...even when I'm slouching :x

Jump Shot!
Albeit unsuccessul... cuz' of Joey's handbag :x

Cool Pose Shot
Isaac MIA big time.

Well, I had shit loads of fun during Easter :) No photos (except the hospital ones) during my stay with drew... reasons mainly cuz' I stayed in most of the time. lol.

Looking forward to going back to Singapore really... hope I make it before you guys go in NS... hoping that the trip to where-ever's still on :)

Also, on a shorter time period note... looking forward to the Asian Cup! hopefully my ~~butt~~ tendons don't hurt on that day :) Looking forward to Andrew coming down as well... before he starts to become a full fledging workaholic! :P

By the way, this is my newly purchased glove... the previous one's all torn and tattered; all the foam at the palm's torn off, and the stitching at the sides of the glove's split.

Probably that's why I've been losing a couple of my games :P (number 13's my favorite number)

So there. Done! Hope you're having a good day :)

Smile?

084

2008-03-27T00:30:00.004Z

Quote of the Entry #73

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable..."
-Neil Gaiman

"...It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Probably not true or true. I don't know, cuz' I probably never had fallen in love, love before. But for the moment I'd like to indulge as if I have so. And not the ones that you can pick yourself up so easily as if you have simply tripped and so conveniently dust it off - and probably, maybe, sqeeuze out a gentle laugh, as if nothing has happened and move on O' So casually; a silly infatuation, a boy's imagination, an adolescent's mudane crush or even a man's simple dream. Trivial stuff, no matter. Pick whichever you like, but I'd like to imagine I'm none of the above for the moment. I'd like to imagine I'm pouring my heart out, out of love; or rather, trying to climb out of love. But so deep is that, I don't think a wave of light can reach me, or even a single photon of light, for Einstein's fans - I don't think I can jump out of this. Hey, this reminds me of that certain Persian diplomat being pushed by a certain Leonardis in the film 300. So, this is probably how those Persians felt. I feel sorry for them.

Nonsensical Gibberish

I don't really know what I'm feeling. It's probably because Andrew's here (which is a bit of comfort I guess) and that I've constantly listening to the 3 songs below that I haven't actually felt the need to do "anything". Not that writing my feelings down on a here is "anything". But its good, since only my closer friends know of this blog's existence; it gives me some comfort. So yes, now you know - that You, YOU are my Close friend. In My eyes anyway.

God. Thank You for Jesus. Without him, apart from the obvious, I guess we won't have this 3 week holiday. Thank God. I don't think I can Function at the moment as a proper person at the moment. Just saying, not trying to be emo and all. It feels emo, because You interpret it as so. Yeah, "you" just means whoever's reading this. Although I know You won't. Thats why I'm pouring my heart out.

hahaha!

Does the "haha" confuse anyone of my current state of emotions? I always type "haha" to diffuse any situation that Might sound tense and what have you - Not necessarily that it Is tense, just to make sure that I'm Not sending an intense message across.

Unintelligible Blabber

Anyway, here's the 3 songs thats' been stuck on my head for some time; they can be found on the top left music thingymajiggy. If you want to. and yeah, all of them are by the band called "Scouting for Girls". I should be their fourth member. Hahaha.

Heartbeat

Elvis ain't Dead

She's so Lovely

Well, if you actually bother to/are able to/listen to/watch the youtubes/read the lyrics - its kinda what I'm feeling at the moment, a wee bit here, a wee bit there, but I'm sure you will get it.

For the Moment, I think I lost something somewhere.
Tommorrow.
Tommorrow

083

2008-03-23T20:32:00.012Z

Quote of the Entry #72

-Dilios (300)

I'm sooooo addicted to "300" recently. Think it's most probably due to "Meet the Spartans" movie. It was ridiculously retarded. I mean, Really, Retard. The jokes were lame, and the parodies were just plain stupid. And all these coming from a retard himself, proves how shitty the movie is!

But yeah, so I downloaded "300" to redeem my good memories of the movie tainted by the scorn that is "Meet the Spartans", and just found myself addicted to the movie. The last scene's my favorite; where he gives a speech before the charge into the Persian camp at Plataea - especially at the final part where they zoom into Dilios's face while charing into the Persian front with his helmet donned, face alit, fueled with full-blooded anger and pride.

Actually, did you know - Dilios (half blind man, the sole survivor in the movie) - is actually portraying one of the 2 survivors of the army of 301 (along with Leonidas) Spartans and 700 Thespians (Yes, there were actually, historically, more than 300 Greeks in the Battle of Thermopylae). His real name is actually Aristodemus. He and another comabatant, Eurytus was actually excused from the final Battle of Thermopylae (which would result in the annihilation of 299 Spartans, 700 Thespians and submission of a few Thebans) due to illness. Aristodemus actually had an eye infection, which was depicted as losing an eye in the movie. However, Eurytus turned back and decided to fight along with the remaining Spartans. This caused Aristodemus and the other survivor, known as Pantites - who was sent on a diplomatic mission by Leonadis, becoming deemed as being a coward back in Sparta (and Greece). Pantites, not being able to withstand the disgrace that he was facing, committed suicide. However, Aristodemus, on the other hand, went on to participate in the historic Battle of Plataea. He went berserk during that battle, fighting to his death with such fury and scorn, that the Spartans finally removed the black mark that was placed on his name. However, he wasn't given any honors as those were given to the other 299 Spartans who died in the Battle of Thermopylae - for one reason; because he had fought with suicidal recklessness; the Spartans having regarded as more valorous to those who fought while still wishing to live. (gawd... I love history...)

Moving on from one of my many sparstic addictions...

It's Easter! Happy Easter everyone!

It's a great time to remember why we celebrate Easter... because Lord Christ died for us, and so we celebrate it by (As eddie izzard would put it) eating Chocolate coated eggs!

Hmm... so lets see... I'm down in London at the moment, and have been for the past week or so. Because I'm really feeling very lazy; I'm just gona break down what I have to say into simplistic notes for everyone's comfort;

Monday - Wednesday;
Practically Lazed around London from the comforts of Ashlee's Hostel near King's Cross with CJ, Joey, Nelson, Jasper, Renie, Jess, Jessi, Vincent, Mal and Ellen. Poor Renie wasn't feeling too well during the trip... Had loads of fun though! Slept on the floor. CJ has the pics, so, I doubt I will be posting them up yet. :)

Thursday onwards;
Andrew's! so nice to be staying with him. and so nice of him to let me stay with him. Splendid place with a splendid host. What more can I ask for eh?

Anyways, I think I damaged my tendons on the part of the butt/leg/thigh where I kept complaining on about. My cousin said it might be tendonitis, but whatever it is, its just full shit of pain. I don't usually take painkillers, and have never done so in my entire life I don't think, but unfortunately for this occassion, I decided to take some, because I was in Constant pain. I mean, Constant. Like π. You know... like πR^2? yeah that kind of constant that won't go away just because you think you can do without it.

Because Andrew already blogged about it, I will just copy and paste the link HERE (with pictures!)

Thanks drew for being at my side for 5+ hours when I was in pain! really was very thoughtful :) Thankss buddyy! Also, Thanks so much for letting me stay at your place without any complains, despite the mess and the constant disappearance of food at your place *shifty eyes*

And so... I can't walk properly for the moment. I can limp, but thats about it. because of that, I can't make it back to sheffield to join CJ and co. for the Alton Towers Trip which I really wanted to go. :(

Oh well. Kinda disappointed with the injury as well, cuz' that would mean I can't play for HKSOC in the Asia League (different from the Asian Cup), which I promised to. Hopefully I can heal before Easter Holiday ends.

Oh! and on the way back from Heathrow (went to Heathrow to check JC's lost, but found now, bag) it snowed today! like, proper snow! on Easter, Springtime. Weird. But good all the same :)

Sorry for the messy post. Happy Easter Everyone.

Snow snow snow.. 5 more days.

082

2008-03-12T17:46:00.016Z

Quote of the Entry #71

"I deal with temptation by yielding to it"

-Mark Twain
How does that quote relate to this post? you would ask - well firstly, Yep, thats how I deal with temptation. secondly... as the following post shall serve as evidence... I was smitten by the temptation to cam-pimp...

...I'm SUCH a cam-pimp (and Andrew, Chris, Kris, Godfrey are my cam whores). Apparantly, I took 361 pictures over a span of two days with Andrews' cam. 178 in the first day. and a combination of 183 pictures with Andrew taking the ones while we were on the playing field. I think it's mainly cuz' I'm a camera deprived person (I NEVER had a camera in my entire life). lol.

Beat that CJ / Shervin! :P i own you both on cam-pimping skills. bwahahaha.

And yes... I've coined the term "cam-pimp"...

Saturday, 8th March '08, London

Because, obviously, 361 pictures won't be able to fit in a single post, and thanks to Andrew, I shall post up a collage and an amazing video. (link to all the pictures somewhere at the end of this post. lol.)

I have NEVER been to London (apart from heathrow). Well, i have been there ONCE, in 1998 with muh family :) but apart from that, I have never, ever, stepped into London, even though I am British... Strange huh?

So... Chris, Kris, Godfrey (notice that I can't abbreviate Godfrey's name? it becomes God. haha!) and Drew decided to bring me around London... We went... hm. everywhere. Sorry for the lack of descriptions, but I'm really really feeling lazy. Lets let the pictures do the talking!

London

Click to enlarge

Just some of the pics... cuz' apparently, I can't upload anymore pics (the server was down).

Westminister!
As Godfrey Says... "Cue Cool Walking Music"
London Eye
Big Ben
Don't know where this is.
Andrew... and Chris trying to avoid being next to him.
hahahaha
Whitehall... Chris has his White Horse...
... While I have my Black Stallion. LoL.

Trafalgar Square - National Art Gallery

Trafalgar Square - LOOK AT HIS AFRO!
.so cool.

Had Dim Sum in Chinatown - the most chinese person placed the orders.

Obviously it was Kris. He stayed in China for a year.
While I struggled when I was there for a week.

Hmm.. yeah. I don't know what to say. :P

My Tour ended at St. Paul's Cathedral...

...it was really... atmopsheric inside. the feeling's like being in church (lol, well, that sure describes it well) times a hundred. haha! 2nd largest Cathedral in the world!

Then we headed for some duck-a-licious meal at "Goldmine" @ bayswater... where I met Saarvin (teammate) for the first time... went back to his place and played some good O' poker.. where Chris apparantly said I had a natural poker face - the Sleepy face. LoL. I lost anyway, decided to go All in because I REALLY was sleepy. and slept on the floor... lol.

Then we went back to Andrew's (thats where we stayed over the weekend) - where, i MUST add. Has the best and most Comfy apartment EVER. Thanks Andrew! :) Oh. did i forget to mention that he lived at Westminister?

Video Summary
(all credit goes to Andrew)

HAHAHAHA

= = = = = = = = = = = =

Sunday, Day, 9th March '08, London Games

I will just summarise the match day (by copying from Andrew's blog - thats why I didn't blog earlier :P ) ;

Group Stage:
v London MCFC (0-3)
v UCL B (3-1) [Godfrey, Yian, Kristian]
v LSE (5-0) [Kristian x2, Saarvin, Christian, Andrew]
v IC A (1-1) [Kristian]
v H7 (1-0) [Kristian]

Semi Final:
v UCL A (1-3) [Kristian]

and i quote from Andrew's blog;

"Everyone played really well today, with Kristian getting 6 goals in 6 matches, and everyone else chipping in with 1 goal each. Nick played superbly throughout the tournament in goal, and had a man-of-the-match performance in our final group match to give us a 1-0 win."

Best paragraph ever. *cough* (link below)

But honestly, Kristian was on fire. of the 6 goals, he netted about 4 long range uberly sweet shots. I would have voted him MVP in the tourney! if there was one. lol.

While Godfrey was "Godlike" in defending - probably one of the most sturdy defenders I have come across in my life so far to be honest.

Andrew had the best shot to goal ratio with 2:1, as well as goal to time ratio with 1 in 5mins. And thanks to his encouragement, I picked myself up after the 1st game defeat. (: thanks

Believe it or not - Christian played on even though he was sick! And not only did he play, but he played magically. Sadly, Manchester United Scouts weren't around as usual. Missing the good stuff here!

Saarvin. has. the. THINNEST. leg ever. why so? it was because he had "bones of steel". enough said. lol.

I would never had guess Yian was a goalie as well - I actually thought he did brilliantly at the back, when we played 2-1-1.

With the quality in my Team, it seriously made my day easier than normal :)

We actually didn't play for the 3rd place. The other team got into a fight with the "champions" after losing 7-2. To be honest, we were quite gutted that the Champions (London MCFC i think) won. Long story short, we didn't really like them (neither did the other team it seems, lol). But we were really relieved that we had a game less, since our legs were beginning to cramp and my side buttocks were begining to look out of shape haha!

London Games Collage (notice the medal?)
Click to enlarge

Hurrah!

(below)
Saarvin. Andrew. Me. Chris. Yian. Godfrey. Kris

Hurrah! with medals.

Kristian has two because he was the highest scorer in our team. "Bronze Boot" (instead of Golden as per usual) lol

Btw, notice that we have two "Chris/Kris" in our team? When they were on the pitch at the same time, I would shout "White Kris" to differenciate them. hohoho.

Yep. We are the 3rd Best alright. We even had a fair play handshake! I swear! hahaha. btw, the reason why we don't seem too hyper in the photos, is simply cuz' we were all deadbeat. I had a bad injury on my left leg/butt while poor chris was sick, and Godfrey had twisted his ankle. But yeah, we were immensely happy. believe you me. :p

Well, I hear you shouting for more pics? of course, of course! Its natural that you only want to see quality pics. *cough*

Andrew, *unconsciously* doing the Sherve
oh sherve. what have you done to drew.

Kris looking good. again.

Chris looked quite bad on the day. being sick and all.

"What?"

hahaha, jk ~~dear~~
Chris looked great as well (as usual);

Dont judge Godfrey, He was just expressing himself freely.
hahaha.

"oh whats' that?"

The Cutest Sausage Dog Ever. walked past.
Kris describe sausage dogs as to God's answer to critics about His humourous side. lol.

"Erotic"

= = = = = = = = = = = =

Sunday, Night, 9th March '08, London Games Aftermath

And so, after a brilliant session of football, with our Oh-so-heavy-medals to show for. and our Magnificant injury/scars, we limped down to GBK for a scrumptious meal (credit to Kristian)

Doing Shervin's famous "Trigger"

Look at Chris's brows!
I tried doing it...

...and obviously failed terribly. Sorry Shervin! :(

Well, I guess, as you can see, I have scientifically proven that Males can be Cam Whores as well. HAHAHA. although half of the time, they didn't know I was taking their photos.

Well, if you still wana take a look at the pictures, here are the 5 wholesome albums (so much so, that andrew helped me upload the london games, while i uploaded the other london pics haha!)

Linkies;

London Part I
London Part II
London Part III
London Games Part I
London Games Part II

Also, linky to Andrew's blog, where he blogged on about the same thing as me, but better quality (with more pics) obviously, since I blatantly copied what he wrote (to a certain extent - to save myself some face);

London
London Games '08
London Games Aftermath, GBK

IF you made it at the end of this post. Congratulations. you've probably just wasted 10 mins of your time as did I waste 2 hours of mine. But anywho. I apologise for the captions. I got lazy and randomly placed them after the first few pics. haha!

Thank you boys, I really had TONS of fun. Simply to put it, the best team to win a medal with, are your closest friends :)

P.S. Timomo and Huangwei I'm still waiting for OUR medal :p

= = = = = = = = = = = =

Today

Met up with CJ... went to eat dimsum @ wongtings...

...which reminded me of my Dad, because he would always hold back on eating things he really wanted, because he's "saving up money for" me... so that I can "enjoy life comfortably", the life that he never had.

I Miss my dad. and I love him to bits. I don't think I will actually say it to him eye to eye... but I really really do. I appreciate how he looks after me, behind my back, always encouraging, always putting up with my adolescent tantrums (oh yeah, Im still an adolescent i.e. A young person, usually between the ages of 13 and 19... hahah)...

I guess its these little things in life that spurs me on my *ultimate* pirioty in life. To graduate, find a good job, and take care of my parents :) hold on for a few more years, I will make you proud. or at least give you both the most comfortable life that I can. yepyep.

anyways... moving on... we were at some shop... I can't exactly remember... while waiting for wongtings to open... CJ was trying on some jeans, and I saw this suit that was pretty sweet. I mean, I Never owned a suit and a vest before... so I was tempted to try... And By Goodness' Grace. I did what shervin did;

Without the Suit...

...With the Suit

At this point. I was actually thinking "this isn't right..."

Oh Shervin. what have you done to us all. hahahaha.

That said, I was a wee bit tempted to buy it... if only money grew on trees that is. £65 for the suit... £35 for the shirt... £25 for the vest. That is... two weeks working at a chinese restaurant... as CJ pointed out. Two weeks of work, just for a suit, vest and shirt. Plus, the only time I would be wearing this would probably be at DnD's which would cost another extra £30 more. Yumb.

but still... does it look nice?

hahaha.

Not a single moment did I forget about you.

081

2008-03-05T00:51:00.012Z

Quote of the Entry #70

"Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others."

-Marian Wright Edelman

Happy 22nd Birthday Jocelyn!

Went to Zizzi's for a surprise dinner, while we went rushed back to the Castle (again) to surprise Joey for the 2nd time. I'm really so lazy to type it out, so I will just wait for one of them to post the pictures. :x Hope you like the present though. Me and CJ practically walked around the city centre three, four times just to decide what to pick for pretty O' Joey. lol

Sheffield Games...

...was blardy cold. and windy. Qualified to the final 16 by beating 1-0, 2-1, 3-0 (walkover) and drawing 0-0. (I kept 3 cleansheets! woo!)

Played through the ****ing pain. and actually made it worse (which still torments me today), to the point where I couldn't walk at all for a moment (and hence was lying down momentarily). but hey, I wanted to play so badly, so I bit my lips and continued.

Unfortunately, we got kicked out in the final 16 (the round before quarter finals) 2-0 to... I can't remember the team, quite unexpectedly. We were all quite unprepared for the game. But a lost is a lost, and we did afterall, have fun. JIBAT! The nasi lemak was delicious though. and the curry puffs... *drools*

Andrew's team advanced to the quarter finals though! but lost out on penalties. unlucky. unlucky.

I went crazy with Andrew's camera (I'm camera deprived), so...

8am Macdonald's - We were late. meant to meet Kristian + co. at 730am

"rushing" to Concord

Team MASSOC A. My Awesome teammates and Muh.

Shuan. Chris. Arfiz. Me. Eugene. Farid. Joule. Azraai. Malcolm

Mal. Looking Handsome.

Kris. Ricky. Shuan looking on MASSOC B

Tom. I call him Long Tom (like the artillery!) for his vicious shots. (not otherwise. lol.)

Eugene. Mr BOOMbastic. you do NOT want to face his left footed shots.

Kristian. That is a good pose. and a brilliant photo :x

Christian'o better-than Ronaldo. My future flatmate!

Shuan Law. I like his surname

Andrew Au" my gawd. the best keeper in the world" Yong.
I'm apparantly his clone (brother) and my Mentor in goalkeeping :)

Team MASSOC B. aka Friends of MASSOC (cuz' only one of them is M'sian)
Shingo. Tom. GODfrey. Kristian. Andrew. Ricky. Katsu

Random Shot.

Me, dead.

Sorry for the lack of description. a wee bit lazy.

London Games!

Decided on a whim with Chris to visit Andrew :) over the weekend at first. Then gradually asked to register in the London Games (which will happen this weekend) and they said no problem. So apparantly, we're going for another competition while I try to recuperate my hurting arse (yep. not healed yet.). btw, my right side's bruised. so... yep. I sleep facing the ceiling everyday now.

I PASSED. With averagely flying colours.

Remember the exams whereby I only had a day to study for (each of them) ? The one that I returned A DAY before from singapore? The one which I really really thought I'd fail? I DIDN'T

WOOOOOP!!!!!

Two 2:1's, only 2 off a 1:1 and Two 2:2's, of which both were only a mark off 2:1's Not the best marks, but shit. I'm delighted. Also to mention, first year marks don't count towards the finals. I would have been happy enough with a pass!

However, I should really learn from this lesson. And never. ever. repeat this.

*sighs of a HUGE relief*

Easter, destination London!

I guess a change of plans. Going to London for Easter! Woop!

I really wanted to. and still want to. and always will want to.

080

2008-03-01T05:13:00.004Z

Quote of the Entry #69

"Win Together, Lose Together, Play Together, Stay Together"

-Debra Mancuso

Got loads of "teamwork" quotes going through my mind;

"The whole is greater than the sum of the parts"
"Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success"
"Individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work"
"Build for your team a feeling of oneness, of dependence on one another and of strength to be derived by unity"
"Teamwork: Simply stated, it is less me and more we"
"TEAM = Together Everyone Achieves More"
"Take one for the team"

Why? cuz' The Sheffield Games's tmr. well. Later actually. in 4 hours.

Been listening to faster-than-my-usual songs to pump my morale up as well. lol.

i.e.

Fort Minor's Remember the Name (available on the sidebar music thingymajiggy)

"This is 10 percent luck,
20 percent skill,
15 percent concentrated power of will,
5 percent pleasure,
50 percent pain (lol at andrew "balls of steel")
and 100 percent reason to remember the name (not MY name, but the whole teams'!)"

Couldn't sleep, and still can't, suddenly (and finally) feeling the nerves!

~~Don't~~ Never want to let my team down.

People might wonder sometimes, why am I so paranoid. Goalkeepers are probably the most useless and redundant - but I beg to differ. I really feel that keepers themselves requires and have genuine skills, and most of all, the bravery to "take one for the team" whenever necessary. That's also one of the main reason I love being a keeper. to be able to "take one for the team". however weird that sounds. I love diving, I love catching, I love making strikers face turn into agony (less than more though), I love shouting at my friends (lol), I'm proud of my scars, proud of my position, I'm proud to know that I'm the last man that they need to get through to actually score, and of cuz' I Love watching my team taking the opposition apart with their honed up skills, and the list goes on!

I really hope I do, at least, (to the best of my abilities) help the team out later. Hope I won't be the weak link as many times before and hopefully all the jitters will be gone by then. And Hopefully. my Butt heals in time.

I have been in real AGONY for the past TWO weeks. The Blardy splitting pain just doesn't go away! Where you might wonder? Its at my Left side of my Butt. No. Don't let your mind deviate. Stay with me lol. You know the area where keepers fall onto when they dive? that part of the hip/butt/leg ? yup. It hurts there. Every single time I dive (onto my left), I feel as if a nerve has snapped, and I wouldn't be able to walk for the day pain-free. I think its just muscle pain. Hopefully nothing more! so yep. I guess ~~tmr~~ later, I'm gona take that pain aboard as well... And give my arse a proper rest next week.

What a pain in the arse.

*rubs rubs rubs* (deep heat)

Just to round up today's game... we won 6-1, under the literally pouring rain and wtf winds. Heard later's gona be worse. Hooray. I don't mind the rain. In fact, I LOVE rain. I just hate the omgrightsmackintoyourface gush of COLD winds.

Anywho...

Hope we can achieve something further than the last Notts games!

*prays prays prays*

But honestly, I'm praying for as much fun and dedication I felt back in the Notts game with the Team :)

JIBAT!! AHWWOOOOO! (refers to 300, and also, what we actually said for Notts Games before every match lol)

hopefully no-one in my apartment heard that.
*tries to sleep*

It has also been a month.

079

2008-02-21T00:02:00.004Z

Quote of the Entry #68

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."

-Lamartine

I Miss You

by Simple Plan

078

2008-02-14T22:22:00.010Z

Quote of the Entry #67

"If I were an enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."

hahahahahahaha.

Its actually technically wrong. but yeah :x

Happy Valentines Day! aka (as Andrew would put it) Happy Single Awareness Day to all singles.

Moving on from the sad point i've just made...

CNY Dinner!

a picture dictates a thousand words. so, instead of typing 9000 words, I ripped photos off from CJ (thanks!)

We then sneaked into the "castle" (its the name of the place), to suprise Jess for her b'dae;

Happy Birthday Jess! (and Shuan!)

So yep. other than the celebrations, it has been a more-than-satisfactory day :)

Got myself a brilliant lab partner, who's also quite charming (woot!).
Got a 2:1 for my essay which i thought i had failed (woot!x2)
Got back into playing football with teh team (woot! x3)
And that too :)

Got to see Andrew as well this monday - Its sooo great to be able to see everyone again! It's so great, so great, so great. to have these bunch of friends. I must have done something charitable in my last life LOL.

It's the little things in life that count. and it's that little thing that will probably make my week - at least it has made my day anyway :)

Happy Valentines' Day.

077

2008-02-08T21:51:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #66

"Expect the Worst, Hope for the Best(...)"

(...But never give up!)

Exams Done!

Not exactly the best, but, the milk's already spilt.

Apparantly, Atonement has been showing in the UK since 7th September - How on earth I have NEVER noticed, is just. Stupidly Phenomenal. And very truely sadly, for me, its not showing anymore in the cinemas here

:(

Oh well. God Bless the Net.

At least Andrew's coming to town, come this monday
And CJ's got some free tix to a Sheff Utd game tmr
Probable peak district hike too

I'd say its a good kick back into life.

:)

I sorta can't wait for Monday to come.

076

2008-02-07T16:58:00.000Z

What better way to spend cny by reading a good, nonono, a GREAT book... say, namely; "practical skills in biomolecular science" ?

.
.
.

Amen.

Pessimism aside;

Happy Chinese New Year!

新年快乐!

075

2008-01-31T02:33:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #65

Elegy of Dunkirk by Dario Marianelli

Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Re-clothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives thy service find,
In deeper reverence praise.

In simple trust like theirs who heard,
Beside the Syrian sea,
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word
Rise up and follow thee.

O Sabbath rest by Galilee!
O calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with thee
The silence of eternity,
Interpreted by love!

Drop thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still small voice of calm!

I wana watch atonement!

074

2008-01-30T02:43:00.000Z

BBC Weather promises HEAVY Snow.

I guess this is to compensate my impending DOOM in about 11 hours time. (unless it fails to deliever and cheats my feelings)

I don't regret delaying my return to Sheff. Instead, I regret not being mature and at least, decently hardworking before I flew back to Sg. To be honest. I kinda deserve this.

/o\

073

2008-01-28T16:38:00.002Z

Quote of the Entry #64

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone's right.

I think too much.

I really can't think straight atm; can't really concentrate on my exams.

But tell you what - I will try my best in every bloody thing I do and will never give up.

072

2008-01-26T06:53:00.001Z

some things that you don't want to find, always seem to pop out from no where.

071

2008-01-25T01:14:00.002Z

Quote of the Entry #63

"...You were always on my mind..."

-Elvis Presley

027.

Did you know.

Quintuplely, I've delayed my flight. From the 18th to 20th to 21st to 25th to 27th. That's how much you and you and you and you... mean to me :)

Furthermore, Zhiwei's b'dae on the 26th, I guess I should at least stay and celebrate it with him :) I'd love to anyway.

When your in a dark tunnel, you'd look for a light, but don't expect to see one - even if you do, it might just be train coming your way. lol.

In a tunnel, there's only two ways - forwards and backwards. Of course, if you move backwards, you will reach back to the same place as you've started; but at least you know where you are, and where you're heading exactly; gaining nothing though.

Moving fowards could lead you to, with much hope, see a light and reach to a new station/desitination. You don't really know where your heading, you don't know whats ahead, but you gain in the sense that you've discovered a new ground at the end of the journey (which hopefully brings fulfilment) - at the risk of a ramming MRT/Tube train in your face. lol

Expect the Worse, Hope for the Best, but Never Give Up.

I hope I don't run into a full speed train.

Recently, I've been listening to Michael Buble - only when I'm heavily intoxicated with his music, am I able to compose myself once again. Mellow, Soothing and Meaningful.

Other than "Everything" on the front page, the other 2 songs I've been constantly repeating over and over and over are "Lost" and "Always on my Mind". Not so much "Home" - since its mostly about missing home - and I AM home :) although I will be soon (listening to it) lol.

Haste with a Level Head.

Lost

...I can’t believe it’s over...

...If i only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last...

...Though things have seemed to change
There’s one thing that’s still the same
In my heart you have remained...

Home

...Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know...

...Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home...

...And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right...

Always on my Mind

You were always on my mind

lol. we all know where to copy and paste for valentines :x

070

2008-01-14T12:55:00.002Z

Quote of the Entry #62

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finally got back.

Busy busy busy.

I'm already missing my companions and family even before I depart.

I am dumb.

It's like this tremendously big hole in front of me. But I still continue to walk straight into it.

069

2008-01-07T18:03:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #61

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions."

-Joey Adams

Halfway through the holidays – and they have been great so far.

I had a beautiful Christmas with my parents, amazing Boxing Day with my dearest companions, and a joyous New Years Eve/Day with my best friends – not to mention the unforgettable days in between with my buddies (again), God-sisters and my cousin – who dropped by from Malaysia!

I cooked! and will be cooking more. Sorry to all those invovled. *evil laugh*

I also realized how much I have missed my family (and friends) and how important they are to me. Does it take their absence to only make me realize what is precious to me and what I really hold dear?

I take my parents for granted.

My grandmother’s feeling well now, which is a much needed relief. I hope there won’t be a repeat of history though.

I take loads of things for granted.

I have never been great with words, and for that I apologise to everyone for that. I can never seem to speak with much ease or confidence – even if I do try every word I speak is of brute, uncouth and simply unbeautiful.

I am happy, but sad – to know that all this I have now, is only momentarily.

Maybe another 5, 6, 7 years more and everything shall turn permanent. Although by then, everyone will be moving on – be it marriage or career wise. And then, I will be left behind.

Yet again.

My God-sisters.

So unbelievably adorable! Jamie’s (younger) the one on the right, while Esther’s the one on the left. (I should really get a camera and take new photos of them)

They have grown so much!!! Its not that I’m not happy that they are growing and doing so well… but I really do miss the times when they – well, when WE were younger – we would play and have so much fun together – when they were so much carefree. Now, I just see them do work, work and more work. I mean – they are only in primary school for goodness sake! Let children be children. Esther has become so shy towards me – to the point I think she might be scared of me. :(

Finally but not lest; I don’t know what’s wrong with me; but I think I trip very easily.

But yep. I’m enjoying myself – it’s impossible not to, with such great friends and the best family in the world.

Thanks, to all my friends. It always seems that you guys are giving in to me, taking in all my shit and making time when there’s none left.

=========

am at my couz's place atm, in penang - visiting me relatives with me mom. wasn't really part of the plan I suppose. had to cancel a supposedly "posh and well-planned dinner" by Timomo (sorry!) but, I'm rather worried when my mom suddenly decides to drive - I mean, my cousin will be with her when she drives up to KL, but then she will have to drive down herself, which is what I really worry about... another hidden motive was to try to convince my mom to let me drive a part of the way to KL :x

Fortunately, that didn't work.

Anyways,long story short, we ate loads over the weekend, travelled up to penang to my couz's place. ate more. and shopped alittle. and ate even more.

Then just yesterday night, we finally heard the revolts of our stomachs. Pale in complexion, cramping stomachaches, digesting food exiting at the wrong parts of the body and watery stools to complete the transition. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad for me. but my mom had it really bad. thankfully, she's feeling better. strangely my couz' and aunt were both okay. my couz's theory is that since they've been living in m'sia since... forever, they've accustomed to the food while me and my mom, living in Clean Singapore, cldn't get used to the extra ingredients to the food served here in magical m'sia :x

anyways, it seems that my plans to see some friends in KL won't go according to plan... and probably would be back in Singapore later than expected. but all's good for me... since I get to spend more time with my family. :)

068

2007-12-25T02:09:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #60

"Ho Ho Ho!"

-Santa Claus

Merry Christmas One and All!

067

2007-12-21T12:38:00.000Z

I wrote 1400 words over my word limit.

Turns out my ACTUAL word limit is 2000.

So, that's 1900 words over the limit.

3900 word essay from scratch in one day.

Beat that!

Actually, to think of it, I wrote a 10000+ word essay in A levels before.

066

2007-12-20T11:22:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #59

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."

-Carrie P. Snow

You wana bet?

Digged this song up while listening to my playlist of 500+ songs.

Thought this song described my past few weeks pretty well. That's as if to say, it has been on repeat everyday since december began.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Procrastination even at the last minute.

I'm gona attempt something amazing - writing a 2500 word essay from scratch in a day. Witness the true powress of cramping!!!

I am Truely Hopeless.

"You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime"

065

2007-12-19T04:20:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #58

On se donne en donnant.

One gives to oneself by giving.

-Marcel Mauss

Went around Sheffield today. One huge circle, from the Castle to Broomhill and back to West One to deliever those presents; thank God for it wasn't as cold as I would have anticipated =)

St. Nicholas? (hahahaha) Far from it, but I enjoy giving! I don't know why, its pretty weird, but I feel a sense of satisfaction when I see my dear friends and family smile. It's also a way to convey my thanks and just little tokens of appreciation for always being there for me through and through =)

Spent FOREVER to wrap those presents. and saw my first wrapping torn apart by Shervin...

...Happy 20th Birthday!!!

Speaking of which - It hit upon me, that I will actually be moving in with them (Shervvy, Chrissy, Junny) next year!! Excited? No, not really.

Very Very Very Excited? Extremely. and Glad. It seems like I have found the perfect flatmates ever. =) Helped Chris do up the corridor of the flat - it looks (bloody) amazing! Unfortunately, since I haven't got a camera, I will have to wait for shervin to pass me the photos after her essay dateline (which btw, all the best for all law students!)

4 days to my flight, 6 days to Christmas.

I always have the best christmas gifts ever - my Family and Friends =) and not do I recieve them only during christmas, but I'm constantly recieving them through Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. By far, the most useful, warmest and the bestest best gifts in the world I'd say!

====================
Chester. 15th December. Was really fun! but awesomely butt-freezing. Spent the whole day, sleep-deprived, walking through shops after shops with chris (who also was sleep deprived) and Joule. Tell you what. My legs were exhausted. Shopping > Football physically. It was as if I completed a marathon. and the thing was - I was only shopping with men; Thank God I didn't tag along with any females =X

Its supposedly the "Biggest Retail Shopping Center" - but, its nothing much; was quite disappointed, cuz' most of the shops you can find there, can be found in Sheffield... but then again, Sheffield IS the 4th largest city in the UK... Didn't spend much... to my own surprise... and didn't spend anything on myself... which is very weird (that I kinda hate spending on myself). Almost bought a Trench coat (is that how you spell it?) but knowing the cheapest's 70 quid ($S210!!!!) just puts me off...

Do I really need one?

Didn't buy it in the end. The hard-earned money by my parents shldn't be wasted on useless things such as these just because I want it I guess... or at least not THAT expensive (altho' that's a lie - since I'm going back to sg lol)! Hopefully they will reduce the price (drastically) during boxing day! then maybe I shall consider.

Dropped dead on the bed when I got back home.

====================

I hope things get slightly better each day.

Upwards and onwards is the only way I can look right?

Right.

Have a Jolly O'lly Merry Pre-Christmas Everyone!!

064

2007-12-13T04:22:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #57

"Hark how the Bells,
Sweet Silver Bells,
All Seem to Say,
Throw Cares Away..."

-Carol of the Bells

Christmas is here! Bringing good cheer...

...Well, fast on its way, and it couldn't come any faster.

First and foremost, I need to don back my smile and cheer; although that doesn't seem to be working - at the moment anyway.

But soon surely.

Secondly! I should... no no, want... wait, I will... I MUST learn how to wrap presents! and what better time? its christmas! Found this video to assist me;

Thirdly, preparing to head back to Singapore! woot! not so much preparing... but more of... like... something to put on the blog. *cough*

Fourthly, gotta get the presents sorted out

Fifthly, gotta finish the long essay before 21st. I got given the essay 4 weeks ago. Enough said.

Lastly but never the least, prepare and get my work sorted out. I haven't even touched a single note since the mid term exams... and that was the first time I touched them. Oh the joy.

Haven't been doing much lately. I practically locked myself up in the apartment... and have no idea how I developed a fever. Feeling alittle better though; both mentally and physically. With much help the friends, a little christmas cheer and just pure golden Sleep.

Spent like hours finding the song / writing the lyrics (Carol of the Bells) on my front page. Turns out the "Celtic Woman" band are irish (duh, Celtic) - which reminds me of my love for Irish music! (I LOVE celtic / irish folk / traditional / modern music) and without much hesitation I downloaded their christmas album - which prompted me to download Another christmas album full of nothing but jolly christmas cheer.

On the sidenote, found this song (sang by Celtic Woman) while searching for their other songs (which can be found on the side of the youtube link below), anyone recognise this song?

Orinoco Flow

a better (audio version) can be found HERE - just gotta click "launch the player here." and then, click "Orinoco Flow"... there are two other irish (english) songs there... so... yep. Enjoy!

So yea. Christmas is round the corner - Hang in there people! writing up those essays, assignments and lab reports might be a pain in the o' arse, but just think of the whole 4 weeks ahead of the dateline! woooop!

Stay Merry and Happy! :)

and Thank You! me precious Friends :)

063

2007-12-09T04:15:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #56

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.
Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

-Orson Welles
I believe, I've reached that point where I really. just really. Don't want to do anything at all. I probably could do with a sit in my flat and just. stone / stun / laze / doze around.

Why?

Simply cuz' I'm too stupid.

on the lighter side of life... Andrew did this; (Click me!)Elf Yourself (Click me!) (takes a while to load)

Sigh. Maybe I just need to sleep. besides, its only less than 2 weeks till I'm back home...

Hope you're having a good day :)

062

2007-12-05T13:01:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #55

"All Roads Lead to Rome"

Primarily it means; there's more than a single way of doing things.
But I guess it could mean; whatever path you take, all done and said(trust me), you will still just end up in the same position.

I'm sick again. Cough + Phlegm = Irritating.

But know what's more irritating? a stuck bathroom. yep. My bathroom's stuck. well, not to the point where it doesn't drain completely, but stuck till where you have only 5 minutes max to take a shower, anymore and the whole bathroom will flood. So
much so, that if you place some tadpoles, fishes and a water plant, you can basically call it a pond.

In a way, i guess its good i guess; cuz' at least i know how much time I've spent in the shower just by looking at the water level in my bathroom, and that it keeps my adrenaline going to complete bathing before my whole bathroom floods... In other words; i should really ask someone to look at it. lol.

Do you remember those weeks where it seems nothing's going well? yeah, I'm having those weeks now. Then again, its not really an excuse to abandon my responsibilities/work.

Christmas better make up for my loss of personal happiness :)

On the Lighter side of life...

Anyways... Football! wore me beanie today to footy; since I had morning hair. Went down 45 minutes earlier with CJ (^^ thanks) to just. kick the football. as hard as I can. Also came to a realisation why I'm a goalie =X and played outfield when the game actually started. so fun! didn't run as much as I would have thought, but at least I managed a goal and an assist =X at least i didn't run out of breath and paiseh-ed myself. When I got back home, took off my beanie, was quite amazed by the outcome of my hair. And so... I turned into a camwhore;

(Translation; Prostitute of the Camera)

Because i want to make sure everyone understands that I'm not usually a camwhore *cough* (only when i get new haircuts) and that to save meself from (total) embarrassment, I'm bringing Andrew down with me =P

Camwhore 2, Andrew;

(all pictures kindly done by Andrew)

can anyone describe "camwhore/gigolo" better than this picture?

HAHA. damn ugly. I actually found that hairstyle quite cool, although my face ruined it lol. btw; the only mirror in my studio, is the bathroom mirror - if your wondering why I was camwhoring in the bathroom. DONT JUDGE! =P cuz' I know you have done it too =x

If only...
4 Long Years...

061

2007-12-04T01:06:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #54

"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not"

"Good friends bail you out of jail... True friends are the ones sitting next to you saying, "well, that was fun!""

I preferred the former, but found the latter funny.

Laugh and the world laughs along with you. Weep, and weep alone. (i can't remember where i got this quote from.)

procrastinating before Exam. as usual.

i noticed something really scary/zomg!/wtf?!/*gulp*/strange; i have been seeing 4:44pm/am really often in my clocks. but then again, its more like seeing what i "want" to see. reminds me of my palm reading =x

also just realised / found a new doorphone on my wall - im not sure if its been there since i moved in, or whether it was newly installed. =x thats how observant i am.

060

2007-12-03T05:31:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #53

"...I know it's not much but it's the best I can do..."

-Elton John's Your Song

Back from Manchester ytd afternoon with CJ - was well fun!! Got to visit Old Trafford! damn happy. I was really like a kid in a candy store... luckily i held onto my senses and held back on the spending. lol. only bought this solar-powered key chain thingy for myself... Went round shopping around arundel (?) as well; saw loads of things, but (luckily) didn't manage to buy much, other than some cards, wrapping paper and just something i bought on impulse.

the day before i went to Manchester - sat up and chatted with a friend the whole night. it really felt good, to be able to connect that well with someone. Finally after 4 years, i don't have to constantly burden my friends back in Singapore, lol.

on the side note... its has also been 4 years since i even felt anything close to this.

Cheer up buddy.

Went to watch Hitman as well in Manc. Damn. have you seen his suit? damn "yao ying"! I was actually tempted buy the whole suit (lol, and then rob the bank). Not much of a storyline... well, actually to be honest, didn't really know... i fell asleep when he wasn't blasting someone's head off. Thats due to the sleepless night the day before though, nothing to do with the movie content. Loved how the character carried himself. All in all, what i got from the movie was how a brutless nonchalant killing assasin, fell in love, and did anything and everything just to protect the person he fell in love with. awww... yep. amongst that, it was just cold blooded killing in a very cool way.

Had midnight dinner as well. lol. I ate till i felt like vomitting. It was well good! although i noticed that i haven't got the slightlest clue how to order chinese dishes. well, i mean, except the very very common stuff.

Thanks CJ =D

I was overwhelmingly irritated during my stay in Manc tho; this was what happened; while sitting in Macdonalds - i know! why macdonalds!? well cuz' me and CJ couldn't decide if we were to walk to china town (or street as it would seem)which was quite far, or just stop at the Macdonalds right in front of us. so we flipped a coin, and it turned out Heads, which meant we were to go to china town. But CJ convinced me that it was Tails. After a lengthy discussion b/w 2 cheena man in the middle of the side road, we just decided to go into Mac's. Sorry, i Digressed. While CJ was away washing his hands, this small girl, with crossed eyes. came up to me;

"Hello, i need money, could you give me some?"
"Hmm.. where's your parents?" *looks around*
"No.. no parents. Please, some money"

I felt really sad for her, but i Know that she couldn't possibly be wandering the streets alone. She was quite well dressed as well. I kept asking her parents were till she (actually) got pissed. yep, a kid getting pissed. and walked away to another person asking for money. When CJ got back, i saw that same girl (uncrossed eyes), walk across the street towards a lady with another child and a baby; they were all quite warmly dressed.

I was Fuming mad. how could the mother use her child like that!? Where the hell is her sense of morality?! I was totally outraged. Wanted to call the police so badly. The girl's probably what. 5,6 years old? the other girl looked about 2,3 years older and a baby whom was still hairless. Why subject them to such a life to beg when YOU yourself can work!? Absurb. But CJ did make a point - even if we did call the police, or whomever, although that might (possibly) help give her a "better life", we would be taking her away from her mother. and she would live a life without a mother, and possibly separated from her sisters. Sigh. the thing that made it worse was that, while we were walking to the tram stop, i could see how the mother brought them restaurant after restaurant, sending the girl in to beg for money.

I felt so angry, yet so guilty. I wana do something, but cuz' of my indecisiveness, i just stood there; probably. most probably. ruined a young girls' life. But i really didnt wana see her mother taken away from her. Besides, calling the police would be useless unless the daughters admit to being ill-treated or somewhat, and judging from how the girl reacted, she seems to know what she's doing. how terribly saddening. =(

sigh.

I have been sighing quite a whole lot the past few days. i hate the indecisive boy that i am. i cant decide what to do next, neither am i sure if the person would mind what im doing. i guess... i am the type of person, whom, if you want/dislike/like/have something, you must Tell me. or at least drop a BIG BIG (like, humongous!) hint. i can't guess. well, i can, but im really bad at guessing. like, really really bad. and am really really blur. im sorry, sorry if i intruded against your will. and sorry for not saying much.

i duno if the stuff im doing are enough or adequate enough, but i am trying my best, and will continue to do so. i guess. like one of my friends said "i wish i could read minds" lol.

Incosiderate would describe me well i guess lol.

anyways... Breathless by Shane Ward

...You don't even know how very special you are...

...You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless...

...You just walked out of one of my dreams...
So beautiful that you're leaving me,
Breathless...

...You're like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love
believe me
You're something special...

But all I can do is try

Have an exam tommorrow, and know nothing about what its on. and cant seem to concentrate on anything at the moment.

Maybe i just need some sleep lol

Christmas is coming! yay!

059

2007-11-29T20:58:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #52

"Hey, I let my team down tonight. I'll be back out there and I'll pick us up another night. It's a learning experience right now, and hopefully, I can make that learning curve short."

-Jonathan Papelbon

The week can't just get any better.

I conceded 14 goals (or more, i didn't count.) in today's 14-0 (or more) trounce. I did it again. I single-handedly brought the team down. I was so annoyed. not annoyed with my teammates, but with myself. They all played well, its just me. jeez. if you roll a ball at me, I don't think i can save it to be honest.

I'm very unhappy. not just cuz' i lost the game for them, or single handedly disgraced the team. but ultimately, i'm extremely upset with myself letting them down.

I Hate letting others down. I do, with a passion. haha...

The thing that made me choke was; no one blamed me. No one.

sigh. i wish someone would come up to me and say "you suck", "you let us down" or "leave the team". i do. it won't make me feel better, but at least, its what i deserve.

Sorry guys. again. i fucking blow.

at least im good at something; failing everything i do - everything i do, dont do it, cuz it always ends up in failure. well, at least i found several ways how NOT to do things. haha.

i want to say its not true. but shit. it is entirely true; think the best solution for the team is to get another guy honestly. i wana play, but i dont wana keep letting the team down.

/rants

Have to pick myself up now i guess.

Sorry for the extensive vulgularities used.

/emo

If anyone leaks this out.

I SHALL KILL YOU! =P

Looking forward to Manchester this weekend! woot!

058

2007-11-29T01:47:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #51

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

missed sending Andrew (and JC) off today. what a lousy friend i am. they were leaving on a 230pm train, and i had set my alarm at 11am previously, while my cellphone at 130. the former was to ensure i got up in time to prepare myself, i.e. eat brunch/lunch, wash up, do the dishes and maybe start off with some work that i had to complete. the latter alarm was just in case i missed the first alarm.

i swear i did'nt hear the 1st one.. but from previous experiences, i guess i switched it off myself. damn the snooze button! they made it too easy to press. the next thing i knew, i was answering to drew's call at ard 1pm... in which he said they woke up late and had to go soon... and so, i said "in 15 mins"... and then dozed back off. but then i had the 130pm alarm, so i should be fine right? Nooo. somehow, my hp was switched off when i woke up at 155-ish (no idea how).

Changed and rushed to their flat. knocked on the door and no one answered, so i called drew.. and realised that they were rushing to catch the tram, which they had just missed.. so, instead, they decided to take a cab to the train station. obviously, i cldnt run THAT fast... and so i just went home...

Sigh. what a shit friend i am.

am up copying all the notes that i have missed the couple of weeks before... and from the looks like it, i have missed shit loads. and i have another exam next week - which i have not even a slightest clue what its going to be about.

Then. there are the little bobs and pieces laying around. am feeling higgledy-piggledy (yes its a word), and dont know what exactly to think.

I guess, as chris would say; "calm down nick... calm down"... in the wrong context though. lol.

me is dumb indeed.

057

2007-11-27T12:28:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #50

"I wish I could live 5 times over! Then, to be born in 5 different cities. I'd stuff myself full with different delicious things, 5 times each. I'd have 5 different jobs... And then for those 5 times... I'd fall in love with the same person."

- Orihime

So tired! or more like. very very sleepy. Most annoying part? on Monday(ytd), i thought i had an analysis session on Tuesday(today) at 2pm. but, found out that it got cancelled due to the round robin tutorial... so happy-go-lucky me, went and made some interesting plans, only to find out that the lecturers brilliantly scheduled a "study skills session" to replace the analysis session. I guess i should have checked my MUSE... but, they did only inform us in less than 24 hours.

grumble grumble grumble

oh! just got a telescope. bought one from argos, but saw a better one from Jacobs' for the same price. so i just went to refund the argos one and got the one from Jacobs... only to find, that, the meteor thingy was 1 week ago.

gutted gutted gutted

stargazing anyone?

Population was fun yesterday :) I realised i dont pespire easily - i was wearing my jumper the whole time i was inside. lol. but the singing/shouting/barbaric cry part was good! first time i was shouting other than on the football fields lol

Take That - Rule the World (from the movie Stardust!);

...you and me we can ride on star, if you stay with me girl...
...you and me we can light up the sky, if you stay by my side...

...all the stars are coming out tonight...
...they're lighting up the sky tonight...
...for you...

~~for you~~

I think i will be bored of the song soon, since i have been listening to it for 2 days now lol

so... currently, using my lunctime to blog nonsense, while munching onto a less than satisfactory sandwich that i have made for myself, before i rush off to attend the ever interesting "study skills session". lol. at least i get to play footy later with drew, chris and CJ. its not entirely a bad day. Manchester this weekend! yay! :)

I hope everything goes well tonight though.

056

2007-11-24T21:59:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #49

"Forget injuries, never forget kindness."
"Sincerity and truth are the basis of every virtue."

- Confucius

Cld'nt decide on what quote i should put from Confucius, so being the indecisive me, i chose to put both on.

this is gona be a rather longer-than-usual post... since I have quite a few things to blog about...

but, speaking of indecisiveness - i haven't decided whether to go back or not; well, i Sort of decided not to go back, since its only for 4 weeks.. compared to the 3 months summer holidays... and my parents may be planning a family trip! but then...thanks (so so so so much. so much! sincerely) to Timomo, Janet, Karmun, Kianyou and Medmed, i have this sudden change of heart. All it took me to sway my pendulum of decision was these 3 pieces of paper, with 2 photos attached with it. =)

Thanks. really meant alot.

Are you always this quiet?

Yep. I guess i have always was, is and probably will always be. Especially among females, but not excluding males. Reason being? I have no idea. I always thought that I'm either psychologically traumatised (lol, and at the same time suffer from anmesia, cuz' I don't know what could have traumatised me) or anti-social, but finally settled to being just poor in social skills. lol. Lets just say, if there was a test for "social skills" i would probably get a big fat F.

I always ask my friends "how do you do it? how do you start a conversation" etc. it IS a genuine question. to which i always get an answer of "just talk anything (lar) under the sun!"... anything under the sun. Well. I just can't. can't can't can't.

Thats why when i sit there quiet and all. it doesn't mean i dislike you or not interested. but im actually thinking of topics to talk about. i really am! However, i do mumble out stuff sometimes. incomprehensible murmurs. This is the point where i have thought of something to say, but either 1)I have thought better of it, and decide not to say, but cuz' i have a rather slow brain, my mouth acts before the message to STOP from my brain actually reaches the mouth. 2)someone else brings up a conversation which is always tons more better than what i have to say 3)i just have no guts to say it

But yea, as i say to one and all; i express myself alittle bit better in writing rather than speaking. i guess, it gives me more time to think, and more time to think before hitting the "enter" button. the sutle and lifeless computer screen is all i have to face when i think and type; much unlike the hundreds of emotions and faces in the real world, where one word may change the expressions and thoughts of that person.

but yep, the main thing is, im just quiet. I do fare better being alone with a person though. To be honest, i can't think of a situation where i tend to speak loads. lol. oh well...

Religion, the Root of all Evil?

Went to this documentary film by Richard Dawkins with a few friends; when joey first sent me the text, i actually got really excited cuz' i thought Richard Dawkins himself was coming. Stupidly. lol.

Essientially, since i have read his books before, i.e. God Delusion, Mt. Improbable, etc., it didn't really have much an effect to me... since i already have thought about all possiblities before even reading those books. And i always have thought that my faith has a supremely concrete base - one of the few things that im confident with.

Anyways, since im really lazy to write the whole details of it... im just gona summerise the outcome with this conversation with (my long lost brother, lol) andrew, whom again, was the only person i have known so far, to think Exactly like me (for this instance, and also for many other stuff)

(10:56 PM) Andrew: for example?
(10:56 PM) niCk: like... he says he doesnt understand/prefer the way i blieve in god just cuz i believe
(10:56 PM) niCk: so i asked him
(10:58 PM) niCk: if lets say there wasnt a god... at the origin of life, where did the chemicals that make our DNA come from? and if u say big bang, which is the most popular theory, where did the energy for big bang to happen come from? and where did the particles come from? who made the big bang?
(10:58 PM) niCk: u just have to believe that it happened
(10:58 PM) Andrew: omg
(10:58 PM) niCk: which is in theory, the same train of thought as me
(10:59 PM) Andrew: thats what i feel too
(10:59 PM) niCk: teeheee
(10:59 PM) niCk: we're brothers lar
(10:59 PM) niCk: =x
(10:59 PM) niCk: maybe cut from birth or sth
(10:59 PM) Andrew: hahah
(10:59 PM) niCk: but i finally can share my thoughts
(10:59 PM) niCk: so... quite happy and proud
(10:59 PM) Andrew: good 4 u
(10:59 PM) Andrew: i always want to blog about it.. but sensitive issue la religion
(11:00 PM) niCk: yepyep
(11:00 PM) niCk: im gona blog it later...
(11:00 PM) Andrew: i actually have a draft post somewhere about ti
(11:00 PM) Andrew: *ut
(11:00 PM) Andrew: *it
(11:00 PM) niCk: hahah do u ?
(11:00 PM) Andrew: or delete already
(11:00 PM) Andrew: dunno
(11:00 PM) Andrew: let me check
(11:00 PM) niCk: i have loads of drafts
(11:00 PM) niCk: but never publish lol
(11:00 PM) Andrew: haha
(11:01 PM) niCk: nicee, i think i have a concrete grounding as to why i believe in God =x
(11:01 PM) niCk: simplest answer is the best =x mwaha
(11:01 PM) Andrew: My views are simple, I believe that a higher being, God, to give Him a name, created the universe. I also believe that the theory of evolution is true, and that the Big Bang happened. However, until there is scientific evidence to show what it was like before the Big Bang, I'm going to believe what I believe... that there was nothing, and God decided to "grow" a universe...
(11:01 PM) Andrew: maybe even a few, you know, all that parallel universe mumbo-jumbo.

Anyway, I enjoyed reading the book, and I would recommend it to everyone. Just ask yourself this first, "Why do I believe in God?" It's a simple question, but one that not many people stop to ask themselves. If you can't give yourself a satisfactory answer, be careful, this book just might convert you.
(11:02 PM) Andrew: thats after i read god delusion.. then i thought... dont want to publish
(11:02 PM) niCk: ahhh
(11:02 PM) niCk: cuz' i have thought abt all these questions even before reading the God delusion.. i guess thats why its quite easy for me to understand this topic
(11:03 PM) Andrew: icic
(11:03 PM) niCk: yepyep
(11:03 PM) Andrew: same idea wei
(11:03 PM) Andrew: damn cool!
(11:03 PM) niCk: cuz dawkins said science and religion cant co-exist
(11:03 PM) niCk: which i disagree
(11:03 PM) niCk: and especially when im a biochemist studying genetics and evolution
(11:03 PM) niCk: lol
(11:04 PM) niCk: and basically... cuz' science asks question abt everything and has a reason and evidence to back it up...
(11:04 PM) niCk: but cuz i believe God in such a way.. it doesn't block me from questioning abt anything and everything
(11:04 PM) Andrew: yeap
(11:05 PM) niCk: in fact, the simple truth is, some things u cant find out in the end... like how did big bang come about.. or even who created God if God created everything etc.
(11:05 PM) niCk: beyond our comprehension
(11:05 PM) Andrew: yeap
(11:05 PM) niCk: however hard we think abt it, however experiemnts we try.. we wont and will never get the answer at this time
(11:05 PM) niCk: lol
(11:05 PM) niCk: Win! hi-5 lar
(11:05 PM) niCk: lol
(11:06 PM) Andrew: hahah
(11:06 PM) Andrew: just post what u say on ur blog and ur done
(11:06 PM) Andrew: ahaha

the main point i was trying to say was; even if you believe in science, or God, you will end up to a point where you have to believe in the things you believe just cuz' you believe, without reason (- which reminds me of another discussion with hy.. maybe i'd blog about it next time haha. or not. depends on how lazy i feel.)

if you believe in science -> what before Big Bang?
if you believe in God -> what before God?

that kinda thing.

understand? hahah.

(P.S. Andrew, we need a DNA test lol)

Happy Birthday!!!!...

... to Andrew! Malcolm, Isaac, Chee and Jingkai! lol

JJ's visit...

zomg! haven't seen him for AGES. and he even brought me kaya, pineapple tarts, milo and pocky!!!! and the most imporatnt parcel from timo n co. =)

brought him around sheffield. well. i didn't really, CJ and Renie was the main people who brought Us around. lol. Thanks so much!!! would have struggled to without them. =) let them stayed over at my place, while i slept over at CJ's (again).

Won't go into details where i brought them, but really enjoyed catch up with him =) and i realised what good friends i have here as well. lol =)

Football and etc...

we Lost 2-1 on both thursday and friday - although for both games, honestly, we deserved to win. The first game anyway, i thought FINALLY, i played quite well. and since i did use my balls (literally) to save one of the shots (ballz of steel lol), i think i deserve that credit.

however, ytd's game against brunei society... just pulled my confidence level to a new low. i just realised, again, how much i was letting my team down. especially when i heard a certain line being said, unintenionally, that really pulled me down. it wasn't blaming, scolding or advise, but something said in a normal conversation, that made me realise that probably, i haven't made an impact as much as i wanted to.

however, Chris and Andrew did thug my confident strings up again, and thanks to them, i dont feel so emo-ish. lol =)

Sidenote...

btw, not really sure if people are able to tell if im usually serious or joking. well. i do joke quite alot. even if it might be lame. which is most of the time. and sometimes, i dont sound as if im joking, so just ask me if your unsure =x hahah

and i dont always blog this way. just seems convenient when i have loads of things to blog about.

sorry for the messiness of this post.

i was meant to post this like. a few days ago... and the accumulation of thoughts just piled up in this post... so yep!

055

2007-11-19T18:31:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #48

"Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly."

- Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher

Dinner for 7

Firstly, thanks to CJ again, despite having come back from Manchester an hour before, allowed me to borrow off his cookery (crockery, cutlery and what have you) stuffs! then, secondly, thanks to those who came and didn't grumble about the food and to those who washed up for me! lol. tried a new invention; grilled salmon with spicy sourish sauce. essientially, i just mixed some honey, soy sauce, loads of chilli and lemon, and poured it over the grilled salmon lol. didn't know how it would taste like, but i suppose i was trying to go for the el-natural taste as well as to counter the sweetness of the black sauce chicken. hmm... omelette with spam (lol) & bacon, choisum w garlic prawns and lotus soup were also served.

hmm... haven't heard anyone with stomach ache yet... so its good news hahah

p.s. really sorry for the crampy and messy room!

Rainy Rain Rain~

I love rain. i do. i like how it drips onto my hair, my face and the feeling on my skin. although i do hate the winds up here in sheffield. its just downright awfully cold (esp in goalkeeping when it sways the ball all bloody over!)... which was exactly what happened ytd... walked halfway from CJ's house with the cookeries.. and then. BAM. a super cold gush of win smacked into my face. jeez. and since i was soaked from head to toe... it was. shit. cold. loved how it was 3 degrees as well yesterday lol.

...but i guess this kinda explains why i dont use umbrellas =X

but theres another reason! cuz' everytime it rains... i reminisce the times where me, timomo, hw, clarence, zh and essientially the whole 2A1 group, would just charge into the muddy pitch in the downpour to play football - the reason being? no one esle would play on the otherwise overused pitch during the rain. hahaha... can't forget the football training sessions in the mud as well. it was really. muddy, well for me anyway, since i goalkeep, even my underwear would get soaked in muddy water. (it was sexy right timomo? =x) hahaha... well...

...I Miss Those Days and My Bestest Best Friends

Msn conversations aren't just enough. I want to go back, but i doubt i shall be this december. although im well known for my last minute - omg - wtf!? - decisions. i do owe quite a few people birthday bashes (where i bash them up)... right timomo/hw ? hahaha.

btw, bh, i know this is quite late, but thanks for being there =) and jiayou for your exams! both of us know that we do relatively better when we cramp last minute =x so lets not panic eh? haha

Food Fesitval!

OMG! Chocolate Fountain WAS FREE. i just stayed there and dipped almost everything i can find into the flowing sweet sexy uberlicious stream of yumby chocolates. YUMB!. spent only 2 pound on food and got the rest free at the end of food fes; cuz' they were trying to clear the food they couldn't sell i guess. hohoho. *glutton*

Andrew...

...are you sure your not my long lost brother ? hahaha. I actually found out that Andrew and i have similar tastes in loads of stuff; essientially, we communicate and think in the same wavelength, well, i'd like think it as so anyway lol. for example, it seems that i was the only person who understood his time-travel post... to which im so lazy to link to. but its in his blog *points to friends list on the left side of your screen*

This is from his blog; CLICK ME... which is pretty interesting. according to the test, im pretty innocent =x hahahaha

we had really some interesing discussions.. of which one of them was regarding the belief in God... which i shall exempt the readers from the agony of... but i'd like share one quote kindly given by Andrew;

" "You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways." -Dr. House "

looking forward to him coming up this Friday though!

Paris for Christmas!

my dad's coming over for xmas =D and we, or my parents are going to Paris! yay! I do miss my dad to be honest. even though we are almost at loggerheads at every instant, i do miss those mindless quarrels hahaha

Star Gazing

i wana do it so much! considering buying a telescope... and probably try to learn the constellations. and then find a girl to smitten her with =x

seriously though, must do it soon!

hmm.. think this is a long enough pointless post...

Junjie's coming this wednesday!!! and i still haven't figured how to travel around sheffield yet. LOL. probably try to kacau someone to bring us around =X

also i just realised i have an essay due on friday.. to which i dont think i will have any time other than now (lol) to do it... although im having a distinct affair with mistress procrastination.

ANWwhoO!. i get asked this question quite a few times; "are you always this quiet?"

the answer is, i tend to be rather quiet, in person, most of the time. duno why lar. last time i used to be very noisy. hahah... and i lack social skills i guess. although i fair better when im in one-to-one situations.

i shall blog more about this next time... since i have a paper due on friday lol

054

2007-11-16T10:17:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #47

"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words."

-Elbert Hubbard

Different people have different themes of understanding;

The failure to understand another is the success of ignorance - this statement itself, fails to meet the requirement of the first sentence. Since, we also have to understand why the other party has failed to reach a comprehension of the situation in the view point of the former party. (did that make any sense?)

Unfortunately, i can't help but seethe disgust and dismay upon hearing this quick snip sentence by someone when prompted if he was interested in any female counterpart;

"I'm interested in that lady there, yeah the pretty one, the one in blue... but the one in purple? she's a joke. she thinks im interested" and gives off a huge grin, subsequently bursts into laughter. and he even said it in such a loud and haughty manner as well, which really put me off.

i mean, maybe im too quick to judge, but if he wasn't joking... to take someone's feelings, toy it, lead her/him to believing that your interested, and then call him/her "a joke"? sorry. but i think thats rather inappropriate.

but then again. thats just something downright shitty i have heard once in a blue moon. i hope there won't be another like that soon. or at least none that happens to anyone close to me.

Happy news; food festival tmr!!! zomg. im so gona starve for it. it better be good. it better *waves fists* .haha.

053

2007-11-14T18:27:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #46

"It doesn't Matter What you Do, It's the Company that Matters"

-Timothy Loh Wei Quan

This is one of my mottos in life which has etched and incoporated in my heart... thanks to Timomo :)

after talking to timomo, i realise, how dreadfully much i miss my friends back in singapore. My parents and them are the sole reasons that i call Singapore Home.

"count your blessings" another friend once recently told me.

I do, i do, i do. I thank God each time i pray for the blessings that i am eternally grateful for. I have countless uber friends here which allow me to feel at home away from home (stolen from the MASSOC agm lol).. and how i can ever forget my best buddies in singapore whom have been with me through thick and thin throughout the years? lets not forget Dan, steve and sammy or even my Godmother, cousin(bro.James), my aunt and uncle whom always have been there in the past. Best godsisters ever, who are so intelligent and cute, and Never ever fails to brighten my life. And i could'nt ever ask for a better family. I Have the Best Mom and Dad ever. no one can take that away from me, and i am More than contented, despite my many shortcomings. so, i do count my blessings :P hopefully the above paragraph's evidential enough.

Just that some things in life are not meant to be no?

Monday, Cooking for 8.

I have to apologise to all those people who sat and ate the dreadful food i cooked! lol. but thank you for coming. at least i somewhat know how to adjust the sweetness/saltiness in the black sauce... actually i feel quite shit, cuz' i probably ruined the good reputation of my mother's recipe. a wee bit relieved to see the food gone though. sorry to CJ for troubling you! oh yes, and sorry to all for not being a good host lol.

To be really honest, i was feeling rather tired, down and out on that day. and Thank God for CJ. he has really helped me through that day much. Not only did he offer to cook 2 out of the 5 dishes, he lent me his house for the dinner (cuz' my apartment doesn't have enough utensils and chairs) he also kinda encouraged me which was really helpful. Left his schedule behind to attend to me, and even let me sleep over at this place. Now, that's NICE. haha... so essientially, i was out the entire monday... pon-ned my lessons in the morn to send Andrew off - Finally, another goalkeeper who i can relate my exact thoughts with. Hahah. Goalkeepers are a dying breed man. =X

Good Luck to CJ for his badminton game! and thanks :) it really meant loads to me!

Sigh, another bloody exam tmr.
Procastination will kill me one day lol

052

2007-11-12T13:40:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #45

"To err is human, to forgive divine"

-Alexander Pope

Got this inspirational quote from Shervin. i still have no idea how Si-Ying translates to Sher-Vin though. but one thing i do know is that i really liked this quote that she gave me once, which was from Alexander Pope;

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

Quite meaningful i'd say. =)

and so, over the past few days...

Saturday, Singaporean Nottingham Games

Loads of things. and kinda lazy to structure it... so;

Firstly, Thanks to Shervin again, for waking me up. lol. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have got up at all. But! I SWEAR that I did set the alarm at 530am. but I didn't hear anything. Then again, I could have switched it off un-knowingly I guess? Rushed to the bus without breakfast, which, thank God for Eugene. Who made sandwiches. Like. bag full of them. Yumb. Got to Nottingham about 10-ish? can't remember, and then headed down to the football pitches which were million miles away from the sports hall (where all the other sports were taking place). It was FREEZING lar. The fact that i was wearing shorts and short-sleeves didn't really help much either (damn all the sports shops in sheffield!!)

Even before we started the game, we already have 2 injuries in a one-man-deficient-squad; Joule had his ankle twisted and swollen (amazed how he could play on) and Eugene had a metatarsal injury. But anywho, we played. and we played the best football we have ever played (together). Had so much fun! even though my nuts were practically frozen. Group Stages; The first match - Malcolm swung a right footer from our own half straight down the goal in 3 Seconds. Yep. 3 seconds. Won 4-1. Second match; won 6-2. Third match; was with these Chinese Chinese team. I mean. not to be critical or anything. but, i doubt they were Singaporeans or Malaysians. and their captain even came up to us and said "If we both draw or let us win, we will both go through"... we were like. No. well, in a polite manner. They also tried to use a player that had played for another team! to which thankfully, christian's team spotted out and told the ref. anyways. we drew 1-1 in that game and came out top of the group to qualify...

Thanks to the other team though (christian's team) for supporting us even when they had the chance to go eat nasi lemak (which were finished when we finished our little tournament! gutted). Their support really came through especially in the quarter-finals; essientially, what they did was to ka-chiao the other team with taunts and annoy them... to which they really responded to, quite fiercely, and funnily in our perspective, and lost the game 5-2 to us. Semi-Finals. At this point, everyone started to tire out - we started out the trailing team at 2-0... those 2 goals were really a let down on my side; should have and could have saved them. then slowly we came back at 2-1, and 'fiz with the equaliser at 2-2 to bring us into extra time... the sad/quite funny thing was that. during his celebration, his leg cramped up pretty badly, and had to be subbed. and so, now we have no subs left. Played the 2nd half of extra time; trailed at 3-2 with farid equalising at 3-3... each time we scored i would jump up and scream like a madman. well. the others would too, but yeah. that was how much effort we were all putting into it. and then, came in the tiredness and we finally lost 4-3...

3rd/4th placing - Joule's ankle had swollen quite badly... and so he decided not to risk it anymore. If I remembered it correctly, we started trailing 1-0, then 'fiz who recovered, equalised at 1-1... and then farid had a bad cramp. to which we haven't got any subs left. Joule had already changed into his jeans. lol. but in the end he came in as a sub for farid, in his jeans and sneakers (which i was wearing the whole time before this game, and gave Joule my shoes - cuz' he didn't know we weren't allowed to wear studs, and didn't bring any other footy shoes). because it was raining, he couldn't balance too well... so he fell down when he came on! lol. so i went over to Joule and asked him if he wanted to be goalie as i went up =x

Hey, dont underestimate the outfield poweress of goalkeepers. I MADE AN ASSIST to eugene to take the lead at 2-1 or equalise to make it 2-2. can't remember. but anywho. as soon as i came on... i went off injured - i was chasing for this ball in the corner, and wanted to sheild it... so i raaaan uberly quickly (for me) and due to the slippery wet synthetic grass, i slipped and bang straight into the wall. Knee first. I couldn't walk properly without pain since then. I think its only a bruising, so >.< i think its fine. since i can walk properly with some pain today. But omg. the funny thing (other than I came out so fast after I subbed out from goal) was the medic. She came over and asked. "do you want deep heat or an ice pack" - all of us got stunned by that question. of cuz' an ice pack was the (obvious) choice... but... the funny thing was that. she keeps offering deep heat for every injury; when Joule sprained his ankle, when fiz and farid got cramps (where were all fine) but the funniest (yep. we can find joy in other's pain lol) one is when Andrew injured his left elbow - to which there could only be 2 types of injury - nerve or bone. so.. deep heat wouldn't really help anyway.

oops. digression. anyway, Joule played as goal after i went out, and Farid (with his cramp) came on for me. Joule made some amazing saves i though! :p i think we went ahead at 4-2, but somehow, they managed to triumph over us with the final score of 5-4... (so we're 4th!) we were all really very tired. But also, we were all really spirited and well, i hope they all enjoyed it, cuz i surely did myself. Thanks guys.. even though they probably will never read this. But damn. =)

We even did this little team huddle before every game (and subsequently every half after quarter-finals) where we shout *AHWOO!* lol. priceless. anyways, in the end, Joule, me, eugene, fiz and farid were all injured. only Malcolm wasn't. lol.

Other than footy. Shervin won gold for her 3km run lol. congrats~ the bball did quite well i heard as well... think i went to chris's place after that... wanted to watch back to the future... but at 2am after a whole day's worth of football... it wasn't to be.

Sunday, Mal's Birthday!
Beacuse im a lazy prick, im just gona summerise from here on;
-Skipped church; uberly tired - had cramps during sleeping, whole body (esp. my back) in pain
-rushed to meet CJ and Jess to buy a cake
-Bought a porcupine shaped cake for mal with CJ
-went for dimsum *yumb* with chris,andrew,CJ,eugene,chingwei(sp?),shervin,etc.(lazy)
-went over to chris's, monopoly, cooked for them - felt really guilty cuz' was afraid that it wasn't good (and sorry if it wasnt good!) and that i was always eating their food at their place! and it was always good food - to which, btw, thanks chris and sherv for always inviting me
-tried to surprise mal with cake, i think it worked somewhat.
-gave him the gift that me,renie and CJ bought - Airzooka! hoped he has fun with it :)
-sleeeeeep.

Song of the moment for me; Apologise. *steals from giel*

man. i think im getting sick again -.- and i just recovered from my last one!

051

2007-11-10T00:23:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #44

"Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine(my) honor, I lose myself."

-William Shakespeare

power cut! no school today! woot!

I believe Honesty is sort-of the best policy. There are exceptions of course. Everything has exceptions. for example; ocassional white lies and possible lies to save a person from harm or hurt.

But, personally, most of the time; when i say things, i really do mean it.

I pretty much (for myself, i dont mind others doing it... which is rather strange i guess?) dont like saying what isn't true. I hate telling lies. I kinda feel rather plain downright dirty and choke when i do. So, sometimes, i wish people do believe what I say and when I say things. I really mean it! Simple things like "take care", i duno, maybe some people type it without really any real intent... but i always think about it whenever i wish someone. I actually really do... which i think is pretty sad... hopefully someone understands what im trying to say! (and not be confused :P)

This coming Winter; Dilemma beholds! - I really want to go back to see my dear dear friends, but I also really want so stay to get to know my "new" ones! especially if they are going to Manchester for xmas and news year... hmm... Decisions, decisions, decisions.

had this conversation with hw today;
(to fill in; we were talking about 1st impressions)

niCk: but its like.. when you First first meet someone wor
Gimme more money: body>face>charac
Gimme more money: cos when u 1st c some1 u take note of their body 1st
Gimme more money: den face
Gimme more money: char is hard 2 notice at 1st contact
niCk: yep yep
niCk: well for me its the face first
niCk: then body
niCk: personality.. takes a longer time (to get to know them)
Gimme more money: yup
Gimme more money: cos personality no matter wad is a novel....
Gimme more money: u cant noe e whole story after onli readin e 1st few pages
niCk: hahaha yeah
niCk: thats a good analogy
niCk: thats why i laughed.
niCk: altho it doesnt make any sense why i shld laugh
niCk: hm. but anyway
niCk: yeah its like a book huh? judge it first by its cover
niCk: turn over to see the summary
niCk: then only finally open and read it
Gimme more money: yea!
Gimme more money: don u tink it fits e way we reali c ppl??
niCk: yep it does
niCk: beauty is only skin deep tho
niCk: eventually personality will overide beauty
Gimme more money: u buy e bk not 4 e cover
Gimme more money: more 4 e contents
niCk: yup yup ^^
niCk: lol im so gona blog this chat on my blog
niCk: seems so philosphical =x (yes i spelt philosophical wrongly)

ah. how i miss talking long into the wee hours with him. /gay

More Shakespeare perhaps? it was a rhetorical question.

He that is thy friend indeed,
He will help thee in thy need:
If thou sorrow, he will weep;
If thou wake, he cannot sleep:
Thus of every grief in heart
He with thee does bear a part.
These are certain signs to know
Faithful friend from flattering foe.

btw, "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore makes me weep.
Inside my heart. of cuz'!
I just watched "a walk to remember" a few days ago... and really wana go star gazing suddenly =x

nono, honestly, i really do. but don't know where and don't know how to - in this uber freezing weather.

football - the game against the Hellenic Society today was uber crap. They ruined the game for me. So much diving and crying! it got us all kinda flabbergasted by their uber skills in artistic descent from an invisible force. we lost unfair and circle(unsquare) 2-1.

The last goal was absolutely ridiculous. This hairy and big greek/cyprus/macaedonian man had his leg held so high that his boots was right infront of my chest while the ball was descending into MY goal area (no players are allowed in the goal area) - to which i wanted to go collect the falling ball. But his leg came at full speed at my chest, and so i backed away, and he managed to kick the ball over the top of my head and into the goal. Which was never a goal. neveerrrr. Firstly, he had a dangerous Boot in my face. and Secondly, the ball was already in the area. To further convince you that we arent *cough* sore-losers, the ball actually chipped over me into the goal - which meant, his foot came first before the ball actually descended properly/fully. So, if i went to collect that ball, it wont be the ball that flies into the net, but rather me and my probably broken ribs!

Anyways, it was simply a disgrace. another example; Mal was probably 10 inches away from this guy... and when the ball came to him, he suddenly dived and cried for a foul. Wth? btw. their smallest guy is bigger than any of us. its quite amusing to see Christian (small (sexy (lol)) build) to lay waste to a man probably a head bigger than him. Absolutely brilliant! /rants

oh well. in fact. i guess i should have been brave enough to save the last ball. Despite its a foul on their side (btw, we dont have a ref). since im the goalie. *ahwoo!*

oh yeah, before that, i went ALL over the city in search for Goalkeeping tops, paddings and long pants - to which, to my amazement. i could'nt find any gk tops and padding. im soooo gona freeze to death in Notts... since i heard its colder there. didn't buy any long pants in the end... cuz' i felt that long pants restricted my flexibility. and i think im gona regret that... cuz Andrew just told me that the pitches in Notts are really sandy... so if i dont wear long pants... i'd probably bleed to death. lol.

But but but... im sooooo grateful to Renie and CJ for coming along with me to shop!~ and introducing me to this chinese buffet restaurant for dinner - which was absolutely ubber delicious. i actually ate till i wanted to puke. and it was actually RIGHT before my football match. so, i was like... oh dear. dont hit my stomach please >_< ...but, i think the icecream was worth it lol. anyways. bought b'dae prezzies as well, so at least it wasn't a productless trip :p

*REMINDER* pay CJ back!

Anyways.
NOTTS games tmr(essientially today, since its 130am)!
Good luck to those playing in Nottingham! =)

hopefully i dont mess it up for the team. again.

050

2007-11-09T01:08:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #43

"A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy."

-Guy Fawkes

Happy (belated) Guy Fawkes Day!

short nibblets of what i have been doing and thinking...

And so, after the narrow escape from the jaws of the deadly MCQ genetics exam last week(of which 3/4 of the class failed from what Ryan said), i seem to have not learn my lesson and only did 3 hours of study (not even revision) again before the exam. and managed to pass it again- However, i DID learn one lesson - i MUST sleep. and so i did before i cramped the 3 hours. slept early at 8pm... and woke up at 1am? duno why, i set my alarm at 3am, but couldn't sleep anymore... and so procastinated, procastinated and procastinated even more... till about 5am -even then i still didn't panic, to which i found it rather amazing myself - finally started reading till about 830 and then left for the lecture hall.

Of course, IF this was the final module paper, i would be typing this entry to a different tune. but since its only the mid-module paper.. and frankly, im too *exhausted* to be bothered. I actually duno why im so constantly tired these few weeks! although i do feel better now. after much repaying my sleep debt by skipping a few lessons here and there... which hopefully i can catch up. and so.. i look forward to the *FINAL* mid-module exam next week.. hoho. "cant wait"!

1st win last friday, 4-0! estatic clean sheet kept (thanks to mal chiu for letting me play the 2nd half ^^). Finally. but then again, its cuz' the defence was absolutely brilliant. Today was quite a good game - we drew 3-3. i put the blame on the flood lights - there was an apparant black out or something today... and by the time it came back on, we lost all the momentum and conceded 2 goals to end the game with the final result. and it was bloody freaking cold. Please do wear more clothing whoever's reading this in sheffield.

last sunday; friendly match - i don't even know if it can be considered as a "match" or not... cuz' me and mal (greg) were having bad stomach aches from what we have eaten the previous night, which was quite funny, as we took turns going off the pitch and racing for the toilets.

I think i made a record - i haven't ate a proper meal for a week. yep. thats how spoilt i am. LOL. i sorta ended the record by making myself a HUGEEEE bowl of rice, with sausages, eggs (which expired a day before, so i had to boil all 10 of them to preserve them) and pickles. satisfying enough~

After Dark FIREWORKS (monday)!! OMG. i *hearts* fireworks. even though it wasn't That good (the music selection was pretty.... mudane)... I LOVED THE FIREWORKS!!

i didn't feel the cold at all during those 15mins. on the sidenote, it felt really rather nice when someone's accompanying me watching the fireworks though. :) thanks hy! oh yes. i still owe her $2 for the hot choc. plus! i saw this;

*looks at jocelyn* CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. *gulps in uber excitement*

thou shalt not tempt me!

an exmaple of the rides that *they* rode on. to be honest, im really scared of heights =x ;

me and jess spent 10 quid trying to get a gecko (which isaac seemed to want alot lol) or a pink elepahnt. obviously we got conned;

Me, grinning like some kinda crazy freak, carrying mal - he's fantastically light;

anyways. i was sitting at my bed today at 8-ish.. thinking what i should eat for breakfast... i could fry some eggs.... IF only they didnt expire. or eat toasties with ham and (expired)tomatoes with cheese. or mashed eggs mayo sandwich... without the mayo cuz i didn't have any.

but anyway.

i ended up eating White Plain Bread (cuz' i was too lazy). although to be honest, it was really appetizing and i felt very very satisfied. like happy satisfied!

lol

i know its pretty random string of thoughts... but it is my diary afterall eh?

just sort-of-a random thought;

when you first meet a person, your first impression will be due to their looks right? then only comes to knowing the person's personality. and finally, after knowing the person over a period of time, and thus knowing her/him for who she/he really is... like putting all the jigsaw puzzles together, you can finally gather up whether you like that person or not.

was that confusing? im sorry if it is! probably cuz' my analogies or train of thought are really unorganised and just plain bad. my bad!

but i guess i am superficial. haha

049

2007-11-05T13:39:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #42

" Que Sera, Sera. Whatever Will Be, Will Be."

-Jay Livingston and Ray Evans

"If its meant to be yours. it will always be yours. no matter the route, no matter the hardship and no matter how long it takes; it will always return to you.", my mom, wisely, always tells me this when im lost in my route, be it because of studies, friendship or anything really in that matter.

To be honest, i find my mother really wise and intelligent. if i actually written down all her wisewords, i'd probably have to write a book;

but one of the reasons why i always say.. "im not dead yet" is because my mother also always used to say "Unless your dead, keep pushing; if you lie there, feeling dejected and don't do anything, what's the difference between being really dead and now? you will really be dead if you don't do anything" which she used to encourage me when i feel really low esp. when i cramp for exams last minute... which is my own fault.

Another important quote from her which i will always take in my heart is this; "Don't worry - it's not like worrying helps anything; what's done already done, just wait and see the results, then take a step at a time." which is one of the things which i keep reminding myself, but can never seem to carry out!

Lets not discount my dad as well; being quite The traditional man, he holds a large vault of cantonese(chinese) idioms coupled with examples from history (which is where i got my interest in history from lol). He, always tells me. "you have to be responsible for your own actions." or "Never let anyone esle carry your burden - its Your burden you created yourself." whenever i got myself into trouble (but he always helps me out lol) or even using the confucious phrase "one must always treat others just as one would want others to treat oneself" (i think its translated as so, lol)... my dad's really really super uberly smart. there's actually no problems he can't solve (academically, mathematically) and he always works extremely verily superly hard. When you see him work or reading something, you can actually see that Surge of concentration and determination..... which is something that failed to pass down to me i guess.

Whatever it's said; i feel, parents have the largest pull in our growth, ideologies and the person we are - they Have the largest pull, but whether they pull it is a different matter. Our friends might be a large factor, but whenever we, or i, have troubles, my parents are always there.

Friends, true blue genuine friends, always Try to be there (bless them), but may never always be there - they are human too, with their own troubles and problems as well. No man's an island, we all need help in a way or another, each other's company, to look out for each other and to confide in one another. And hopefully i can earn the total trust of my newfound and current friends one day (that still have their doubts). for me, i wana be there everytime, anytime to help, to understand or just to listen. or at least try! which seems stupid i think. My second pirioty for sure.

Anyways, this is why, my first and foremost pirioty is to take care of my parents - not only cuz' i feel its my duty, but i really want to as well.

gotta get them retired!

048

2007-11-02T04:05:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #41

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

-George MacDonald

Thursday: had a bloody Full day! - didn't sleep a wink... here's the breakdown;

12am - 2am; walked a friend back. barefooted! yep. cuz her feet really hurt while she was wearing those high-heels - to which i have developed a burning desire to ask - why do females wear high-heels for? if its to look attractive, i doubt guys actually look at your feet. right? right?

2am - 3am; ate my dinner. i totally skipped my breakfast(cuz' i overslpt it), lunch(cuz i had football) and dinner(cuz i went to take a power nap)

3am - 5am; my mother actually sent me an email - she KNEW that i was cramping(for my exam) last minute. and sent me an email to encourage me and *aherm* warn me not to procrastinate any further. I ended up calling her and talked for an hour or so. I miss her so much! boiled 3 cups of coffee and gulped it down. cuz' a cup of coffee has no whatsoever effect on me(and my dad - whom i really miss as well!), i thought 3 cups would help. Thankfully it did.

5am - 8am; PRAYED so hard. then... PIA PIA PIA PIA PIA PIA PIA! (cramp cramp cramp cramp!) - i thought about skipping the first lecture to buy myself 2 hours to study... but Ryan texted me saying he (was sending his gf off.. aww!) couldn't make it.. so..

so... i found this joke;
Once upon a time (about one billion years ago), the first eukaryotic cell came to be. There was a group of primitive bacteria going about their business when along came a big hungry phagocyte, who ate one of the bacterium.

Mr. Phagocyte: Yum.
Bacterium: Excuse me.
Mr. Phagocyte: What?
Bacterium: You know, why don't we join forces and I can help you and you can help me and we can become a 'eukaryotic' cell? Whaddaya say?
Mr. Phagocyte: OK.

The little engulfed bacterium evolved and became the mitochondria in present-day cells.
Obviously, they all lived happily ever after.

yup. HOW THE HELL DID I FIND THIS JOKE?!

anyways lectures from 9am, the *toot* exam(with only 3 hours studytime. again.) and labwork till 5pm - didn't even have the time to check how i did, since they posted the answers for us to calculate our potential marks ourselves. Rushed to Goodwin. and again. I HATE HATE HATE myself so much. lost 5-0. all those 5 goals? all MY mistakes. Argh. :( am so sorry... i wanted to say to them... duno if they heard it, cuz' all i managed was probably a squeaky "im sorry". :(

after that game, rushed back home to shower, donned my cape and underwear, and flew to CJ's with Mal... O.M.G. absolutely love the fried chicken btw. must must learn it from CJ one day - whom's going to Switzerland (with his fiancee! awww!! so sweet lor)... stayed till around 12am? and when i got back, i was so. damn. exhausted.

Furthermore, i have to do this assignment due in for tomorrow which i completely forgotten about till i saw the assignment question paper on my laptop. to which i had purposely placed it there before i left... cuz i actually knew i would have forgotten about it -.-" thats how lazy i am - to the extent that im consciously aware of it. and. being the lazy bastard i am. i procasssttinnaaateddd till now. 5am. 5 hours. not saying i did useless things, but.shit.am.i.tired.or.what.

and so. later i have a full day from 11-5 with labwork. and have another football match @ 7+pm, which i better not mess up *wave fists to self*.. and a dota thing over at vincent's.. i think.

i better brew 10 pots of coffee. oh interesting note; malcolm actually said... if you don't rest up enough, you will be like, unconsciously sleeping for microseconds. and during that microseconds, you will actually dream - to which you might say some stuffs regarding about that dream! which is quite weird... haven't occurred to me yet.. but possibly today! lol

btw! i passed my exam LOL. not the best of marks. but it was decent.

one down, 2 more to go! and then 2 big fat essays to write. oh, the blissful joy.

047

2007-10-31T14:38:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #40

" You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night "

-Shania Twain (Your Still the One)

I love that song. but am not gay.

SHITTTT! EXAM TOMMORROW!! and i haven't started. and im still going for football later... hopefully i won't tempt myself with the biahoi social later at 9... if not, i really won't have anytime to study at all.

so... yesterday. woke up at 9. went out with a friend after my lessons till 11. and finally halloween party @ embrace... felt so tired, and so didn't bother to try to embarrass myself by dancing. it was fun, but one thing i realise about ytd... is - i worry alot. I know what your thinking. How can i possibly think in a club!? with the booming music/noise while ppl try to talk to you by shouting into ur ear coupled with booze right? well... i duno. anyways. i worry too much. but i mean. i worry about things that may not even happen, and i think im the only one who does it. but sometimes it does, and i duno if my worrying is actually good or bad..

for example; ytd, jocelyn went mia suddenly, to which i actually panicked for abit (mal was worried as well, so i didn't feel stupid worrying at least) 2nd e.g. another fren was dancing, and this angmo approached her... i mean of cuz knowing that she didn't possibly know this random guy, and she didn't seem to like it, so i went to help her. another incident was this guy trying to get to another fren, and she was afraid till she didn't dared to dance -.- .. but that guy was quite insistent, and tried to take a photo of her and him, which when she looked at me, i went over and said "no more battery" which seemed to work, but of cuz was a stupid ans cuz she was taking pictures just before he asked. lol. and then, i get worried for those who drink beyond their limits. NOT criticising them at all, but i really am geniuinely worried for them. of cuz' its fun to drink sometimes, some ppl love drinking and i totally understand! since i like social drinking (but not drinking itself).. its just, what would happen to them if they drink too much for their own good when IM not around? will the others take good care of them? thats my worry. this applies to clubbing and almost everything else as well. futhermore, this isn't singapore... and im beginning to worry about timomo in bangkok. LOL.

046

2007-10-30T03:12:00.001Z

im actually not sure.
if im part of the group or not.
i actually feel quite, how do you say.
sort of left out.

not sure if my actions are positive ones
or negative.
i try to talk, but
somehow, i always think i should keep
my mouth shut.

im not sure where im standing.

045

2007-10-29T13:55:00.000Z

Quote of the Entry #39

"When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath..."

-Rihanna's "Umbrella"

~~stole~~ got this off from Clara (thanks!) - i prefer this version to be honest!

I should really start revising :(

"...I'ma stick it out 'till the end"

044

2007-10-28T18:07:00.001Z

Quote of the Entry #38

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know"

-Pascal

Alrighty. The week breakdown's as follows;

Sunday; Skipped early church to sleep an extra 2 hours. Lunch @ Albert and Hiroko's - I.Love.Pies. Hiroko's plump pies are.. *drools*. Note to self; I need to learn how to bake. must, must. problem? i dont have an oven. BUT i have an oven mitten though! can't remember if i played football at night.

Monday Early Morning; Rushed my essay which was given to me like, 3 weeks ago? yep. i haven't learn my lesson at all it seems. I started doing my essay at 4am in the wee morning(i actually don't freaking know what i did before that) finished JUST on time. Skipped first lesson though. Came back super exhausted, power sleep till...

Monday 1min before midnight; Woke up, realised I didn't eat a single thing all day long. Magi Mee = life saver (curry flavour). but woke up to another shocking discovery. I had only another 14 hours left to study for my essay exam. and so you would think that, with this danger in such close proximity, i would quickly pick up myself, maybe do alittle prayer, panic around perhaps, and start to actually mass cramp in 4 weeks worth of studies in my brain. I wish that would have happened, cuz' that would have shown that i have improved somewhat; instead, i just went back to my (beauty) sleep. Woke up at 4am thinking "hm. i still have 10 hours to study.. i only need about 6,5hours". went back to sleep. woke up at 5,6,7,8am (i set my alarm clock an hour after waking up) thinking the similar thing. at 9am; "omg. i only have 5 hours left... but im really tired (despite sleeping more than almost 12 hours straight).. if i really sleep for another hour, i might be able to concentrate more for 4 solid hours"

Tuesday; screw that. i got up at 11am, underwent the similar procedure before all my exams. pressure,panic,pray,cramp. even then, i didn't really say. reach the super panic stage. i even had breaks to eat some nutella (...) which actually kept me going. Exam; i really panicked by now. but what to do? all i had to blame was myself. and promised myself (for the gazillionth time) that i would never repeat this again. But, thankfully, lady luck smiled at me, and the only chapter which i cramped in, came out for the essay question. although, i didn't do a good job cramping, at least i written SOMETHING on the paper other than my name and my professor's name. Football after lessons at 4pm. Got my ankle twisted.

Wednesday; FREE DAY! can't remember what i did in the day... but i know i had MASSOC football in the evening. with my twisted ankle - it was so so so painful. but i really need the training i think. was fun tho :)

Thursday; lessons 9-5, had tutorial in b/w, so didn't have any breaks (except lunch). and from 5-7, had intramural footy match. Played really really shit. I practically single-handedly let the whole team down - and i hate. hate. hate. letting people down. i hate. hate. hate. being the burden. i mean.. we were winning 5-4 at one point.. and suddenly they broke free and scored another goal, which, i should have saved. at 5-5, i let slip another goal and in the last 5 mins, i let in another 3 goals. :( i was so pissed off with myself. but im really fortunate. fortunate that the team was so nice. too nice really. they were really encouraging that it made me realise that i must must must try my hardest. i dont want to let the team down in the notts games. or in any other game in fact. hm. we had a talk down/discussion after the game and had some laughs here and there, which i really appreciated. it really broke down the bad mood that i was in. I really hope that this team will be the same team fielded for the notts games (Nottingham Games - its a (big) compeition for m'sians and sg'eans in the UK for various sports). i feel that i can bond with them really well. espcially with Malcolm (botak) of cuz :p

ps. i started shouting at last for a long while; reminiscing the times back in ctss :)

Friday; lessons 11-5, footy from 730 - 9. while i was walking down to the pitch, i saw all the young children playing football - So CUTE!!! they were like, knee height? actually, they were playing better than me. so. it was quite embarrassing while i walked past them. but. they were really adorable. especially when the balls were like bigger than their heads! cute. cute. anyways in a nutshell, i didn't play the first half, my ankle was in quite a substantial pain. was trailing 0-1 when the 2nd half started, i played, and conceded one more while they had an own goal which ended up 2-1. Was a better performance i guess.. but i should really try to be more commanding and communicate more i guess. gotta work on that. yep.yep. Poker at Afiz place till 3.

Saturday; Ankle recovers much better. Made sushi. First time! i think it looked pretty shit. not sure about the taste - i can NEVER taste my own food. although hopefully no one will die because of my sushis. hoped they liked it actually lol. went to JJJB's place for dinner. Jocelyn's dinner was actually really delicious (free food cannot complain lar. thanks!). i feel like i need to step up on my skills after eating her food =x . saw a film with malcolm in it. L.O.L. are the best letters to describe it. really really funny. Went to a singaporean housewarming. finally got to meet Tina's bf's Friend, Hui Yiang. Bowlers. haha. thats about it. I felt quite anti-social in that party actually. didn't mix as readily as i wanted to. (too many smart ppl lar)

Today; Church > Lunch with CJ,Benard,Jocelyn

Totally Exhausted! BUT i know Jess and Isaac are like super uber duper tons busier than me. and they aren't half as tired as me. :( i feel quite shit to be honest lol. I should learn how to juggle more. Oh yes! im looking for a guitar teacher! :)

argh. genetics exam this thursday.

If i wait, will something good really come?
But time and tide waits for no man...

043

2007-10-20T21:34:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #37

"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting"

-Mother Theresa

The week:
Monday; ill, coughed like a madman, lessons as usual, boring day, ended with football till 7-ish.

Tuesday; very ill, coughed and sniffed like a madman on drugs. Lessons were damn tiring! 11 - 5. Rushed to goodwin for chisoc football. so damn cold!! Visited Jocelyn,Jessicas - i just noticed that they are like the triple J's. i should bring that up sometime. lol. Mother came to visit =) - tell you what. even if i don't admit to anything, i will admit this - i'm the most blessed son ever.

Wednesday; alittle better than the previous day. couldn't go shopping with ryan cuz' i had to attend a massoc footy social(which im soooo damn apologetic to. must make it up to him). tell you what. i almost died there. i couldn't run at all - wheezed all the way. luckily, i returned to my keeper position after a game of trying to be a striker lol. something noteworthy to take notice as well on this day - i cooked, and no one died.

Thursday; the cough's been better, but my nose was completely blocked. lessons killed me. 9-5pm. Cornish Pasty saved my life (i tend to think the cornish pasty in the union is damn delicious!). went to early stages of bar crawl, left at 9 to join F'ng's open house. The coconut rice and curry chicken was absolutely scrumptious! went home at like 2. i felt quite down. to make it worse, i got an email from my professor saying that there will be an ESSAY EXAM next tuesday. *cough*bastards*cough*. oh well. its for our benefit i guess... to keep us in check. but still...

Friday; nose leaked like a leaking tap. Duno why, but the cough returned to its usual "hiongness". lessons from 11-5, rushed to football training. played like shit. hope im still in the massoc nottingham games. heard its like a big thing or sth! good for my cv. huhuhu :) i SHOULD have started my essay which is due like on monday. so i can revise for the essay exam on tuesday. but nooooo. i wasted my time and went to bed.

Today; PAINTBALLING!!!! damn fun lar! although i have like. 8 bruises? 3 on the same bloody spot. but damn! so fun. my coughing and sniffing didnt help though. me, malcolm(fire-extinguisher), and 2 other guys bought 2000 ammo and couldnt finish it... well, we thought we couldn't until we went trigger happy on the last round. lol. damn was it fun. I actually went trigger happy so much, that my gun jammed. yeps. yeps. Dinner at wongtings. skipped poker at West One. don't think i can survive church the next day if i poker-ed with them over night. yeps. yeps. sidenote; England lost the Rugby WC.

Didn't really see much, and i feel a kinda lacking when i don't see her. but i think i will have to get used to it i guess. oh well oh well.

042

2007-10-16T20:59:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #36

"I Love You"

-Various

If it was only so easy to say. I mean, don't have to say "I Love You", but even "I Like You" or "I'm interested in you" or stuff like that.

Takes loadsa balls to say it in my opinion!

I feel like I have lost the biggest football game in my life.

041

2007-10-13T05:50:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #35

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."

-Plato

Still Sick! and it doesn't seem to be going away at all :(

Been quite a good week i suppose, busy, but good. Well... not quite actually, thinking about other stuffs that's whizzing around my head. Still so confused as to what i should do and how to approach it. Go slow, Go fast, Don't go, Go to a friend. hmm.

This might seem gibberish, but this is my blog afterall.

I have been wanting a day off where i can do absolutely nothing and probably just stare at my computer screen or just have like a 12 hour sleep. i Almost completed the latter today if i wasn't woken up by the excessive shouting beneath my windows by drunken people who seemingly tried to sing to a tune which probably doesn't exist or certainly categorise itself as "music" or at least to my ears in this entire universe. So. I woke up at 3.30am. sat around. had a thought here and there. coughed like i was dying. yep.

Lab Day. ah. i absolutely love it. its the days where i practically do almost everything myself. or at least thats how i feel. Its not my partners' fault though, i kinda pity/understand him cuz' he doesn't understand like 50% of the words on the paper and so, although being a chinese, my mandarin practically sucks like shit, and i can't explain scientific terms to him. or even basic words to be honest. and so, i asked him to maybe buy a dictionary... which he did (an electronical one!) and he digilently types in every word he doesn't understand and every now and again nods his head to show his new found comprehension of an english word... he has been here for a year though. the worse part is... the questions. i have No Idea. how to explain the answers to him. i mean, i can show him the answers, but that won't help. and the demonstrator, whom we call Chat for short (a really awesome PhD student) also can't really explain the stuff to him... so i just asked him to jot down the key words in the answers, and slowly go through the text book, while using his dictionary to check the meaning of words he can't understand.

hard work. other then the (lone) work in the lab, i struggle to keep my notes. piriotise please!! i tell myself to no avail.

she's just in my mind the whole time. especially the chorus from the song "she's so lovely" which goes something like this;

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely

Flyering. saw jocelyn, isaac, malcolm, jessica(s) today. wanted to talk more, but they were kinda busy. they always are. too happening lar. haha!

Granted, im no great talker, hell, i hardly open my mouth, but i will listen at least. or at least to whatever she wants to say. I think i have some kind of mental block where i can't talk or form a proper and normal conversation with people. i need a psychologists. a sexy one preferable. hm.

There's loads i want to type. mainly about something, but the rest i just forgot.

oh well.

I want to write a poem.

040

2007-10-08T13:59:00.001+01:00

Quote of the Entry #34

"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"

-Abraham Lincoln

Smart guy was he.

A special blog dedicated to timo and eugene's birthday!

Happy Birthday Buddy! wish you all the best and please faster get a gf so i can get one too =P

PS. haha - don't say i never do anything for you now. hohoho

I am pretty happy today. Sick, and actually quite confused though. Another day of mix emotions.

039

2007-10-07T20:02:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #33

"I love you is a phrase one uses to tell someone that he or she loves that person."

I actually felt this sentence from wikipedia was quite sweet. weird?

I worry too much. I think too much. Too conscious maybe? I just tend to think and worry about what other people think and worry about. If that actually made any sense. haha!

Best remedy = Sleep + Hot Chocolate +

How i love being sick.

038

2007-10-06T03:44:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #33

"I love you is a phrase one uses to tell someone that he or she loves that person."

Felt some Multi-emotions tonight. I really felt pure bliss when i saw that smooth curve that met the rosy cheecks on both ends. It didn't end there, she was looking genuinely ecstatic, so enthusiastic yet so pure and cute. Her legs and hands were shaking with so much joy... reminds me of a kid on his/her b'dae table looking forward to the stacks of beautifully wrapped up gifts. She was so beautiful. Actually, beautiful is an understatement.

Brilliant right? well. it didn't last long for me to feel really shit. why? because of the thing that was making her happy - a new boyfriend. pretty much sums that up.

Its been some time since i really considered, wanting to, without any hesitation to chase a dream. She's so beautiful. Inside and out. I don't know, maybe its infactuation, but I really like her so much. I want to actually know more about her. But i can never talk well. I want to, but i always hold back.

I love it when she ties her hair, I love it when she leaves it down. I love the way she talks, I love the way she laughs, I love how she sounds when she talks, I love the way her hands feel, I love the way she walks, I love the way she shields herself, I love the way she thinks, I love the way she danes, I love how she dresses, I love how she maintains such a strong character, I love the way she's so friendly, I love the way she gently deals with people even those that bothers her, I love how she can be so caring, I love the way she does her make up, I love the way she carries herself, I love the way she holds me, I love the way she looks at me, I love it when she frowns, I love it when she makes those little sounds which i can never comprehend, I love the way she looks, I love it when she looks sleepy, but stills continue on to smile at anybody and everybody, I love it when she sounds so cute over the phone, I love it how she sings when one of her favorite songs come across, I love how her smell waffles around me and always smells so good, I love how sweet she can be at times, I love how she says aww, I love it how protective she can be, I love how she dresses, I love how she scoops nutella and just eats it plainly!

I probably haven't noticed much... but I love it when she smiles the most.

I worry too much sometimes... i guess... i worry about how she reacts to me the most... and because of that, i don't tend to speak, like, at all to her. I worry how she's feeling now... as she's fallen ill. I worry that the things i bought her will not be good enough to see her through her sickness. I worry that she will stress herself too much. but really, most of all, i worry that she will get hurt.

Unrequited is my special word for the moment. I think it sounds stupid, but i want to do this.

But i guess, i don't stand a single ounce of chance.

037

2007-10-05T03:24:00.000+01:00

Quote of the Entry #32

"To be no part of anybody is to be nothing."

I guess, its my looks, the way i talk, the things i speak, the way i dress, the way i danced, the way look at things, the way i do stuff, the way i wallk. Its just not good.

I have stopped for a while, and decided to start going again. Never in my life did i notice that big block of wall in front of me. Of course, now, that i have smashed my forehead first into the wall, did i really notice. haha!

No, i guess, i shouldn't give up. but i shouldn't hold any hopes. i duno, i guess i will just do what i feel like doing - like i always have. too inconsiderate.

i duno. maybe i went too fast. maybe i went too slow. too quiet surely. i hate my mouth. never opens. but thats life. i think, i will probably just... continue the way it is. i will be there, always - i just love to say that actually haha! nah. i duno. im just being stupid and immature. but yea... it is nice to be nice. is that pretty hard to consider sometimes? as always, im just stunned, about how stupid i can be.

but for the moment, i feel like im absolutely nothing.